Chapter 6: Different Worlds

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You know, when I was going through the stuff you sent over, there was this quote that really kind of hit me.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, it was from McCall Gilmore.

And he was saying that his childhood was so different from his brothers that it was almost like they had different last names.

Wow.

Right?

They had the same family, same parents, and yet their experiences were so different.

That's really interesting.

It is.

And it really kind of gets at what we're going to be looking at today, which is this whole idea of nature versus nurture.

Right, right.

How much of who we are is because of our genes and how much is because of the environment we grew up in.

Absolutely.

And especially in childhood, those early years.

Especially those early years.

Exactly.

Because that's where so much development happens.

It's foundational.

It really is.

And it's really interesting because there's almost this trend now to say that, you know, genes are everything.

It's like this genetic fundamentalism almost, you know?

Yeah, exactly.

Genes are the answer to everything.

Everything.

Like, you know, if you have a certain gene, you're going to get this disease or you're going to...

Behave a certain way.

Have certain personality traits.

Yeah, exactly.

Like it's all predetermined.

And you see this all the time, right?

Like even in the media.

Oh, absolutely.

I remember those articles in the New York Times kind of tongue in cheek about the gene for line dancing.

Oh, yeah.

Or like the gene for loving British food.

Yeah, exactly.

Like, come on.

But it's funny because it shows how much we're thinking in those terms.

We are.

Attributing everything to our DNA.

Right.

But, you know, what's interesting is why this has become so popular.

Yeah.

And I think part of it is that it offers a simple explanation.

It's easy.

Yeah, it's easy.

It's straightforward.

Right.

And it fits into certain social perspectives.

Yeah.

And, you know, maybe this is a bit cynical, but I think for a lot of parents, it relieves some guilt.

Oh, for sure.

If it's in the genes, then it's not their fault, right?

Exactly.

If their child is struggling, it's easier to blame genetics than maybe look at their parenting or their environment.

Right.

Like, oh, it's not me.

It's their genes.

Exactly.

But, you know, and the material you sent me also kind of touches on this.

While genes do play a role in things like, say, attention deficit disorder.

Yeah.

It's not like they're the only thing.

Right.

They're not the whole story.

Yeah.

It's not deterministic.

No, not at all.

So if genes aren't everything, then what are they?

Well, the way the material kind of breaks it down is that genes are like blueprints.

Okay.

They're instructions for building proteins, which are the building blocks of our cells.

Okay.

So they're like the plans for how our bodies are built.

Yeah, exactly.

But not necessarily how they function.

Well, that's where things get interesting because whether those instructions are carried out, whether those potentials are realized, that depends on the environment.

So it's like you have the potential,

but whether that potential is actually expressed depends on where you are and what you're exposed to.

That's a great way to put it.

It's like having a seed, right?

Yeah.

You can have the best seed in the world, but if you plant it in bad soil, it's not going to grow.

Absolutely.

You need the right environment for anything to flourish.

And even from a medical perspective,

like if we were to say, okay, let's just pretend for a minute that genes are everything.

Yeah.

Even then, conditions that are caused solely by genes are pretty rare.

They're really uncommon.

Yeah.

Like certain types of muscular dystrophy, for example.

Right.

But those are very specific cases.

Yeah.

And even then, there's always the influence of the environment.

Always.

And there's this really interesting quote in one of the articles you sent me from a geneticist named Michael Hayden.

Okay.

He's a leading expert on Huntington's disease.

Okay.

And he says that very few diseases are purely genetic.

So even something like Huntington's, which is considered strongly genetic.

Yeah.

A single gene that almost always leads to the disease.

Almost always.

But even then.

Even then, there are exceptions.

There are.

There are cases where people have the gene, but never actually develop the disease.

That's fascinating.

Isn't that wild?

It really suggests that something in their environment is protecting them.

There's something, some factor that's preventing the gene from fully expressing itself.

It's like their environment is overriding their genes in a way.

It's almost like that.

And that leads to a really interesting example that was in the material you sent about the Cree population in Northwestern Ontario.

Oh, right.

They have this incredibly high rate of diabetes now.

Five times the national average, I think it says.

Yeah.

And it's happened really quickly in just a few generations.

Yeah.

So it's not like their genes could have changed that much.

Exactly.

So what happened?

Well, their environment changed drastically, right?

Yeah.

They lost their traditional way of life, which was very physically active.

Right.

And their diet changed too.

More processed foods, less of their traditional foods.

And they're dealing with more stress now too.

So even though there might be a genetic component to diabetes.

There probably is.

This huge increase in diabetes rates is clearly linked to their changing environment.

Environment seems to be the driving force.

It really does.

And you know, there are parallels here with things like ADD, which is becoming increasingly common.

Right.

And there's a temptation to say, oh, it's because of genes.

Right.

And there are studies that show links between certain genes and ADD.

Yeah.

But here's the thing.

Even if those links are real, having the gene doesn't mean you'll automatically get ADD.

Yeah.

It's not a guarantee.

No.

And there are people who have ADD who don't have those specific genes.

Right.

So it's not as simple as cause and effect.

No, it's way more complicated than that.

And you know, the material you sent also talks about how ADD tends to run in families.

Right.

Like if parents have it, their kids are more likely to have it.

Yeah.

And it often occurs alongside other things like alcoholism or depression.

And that might make you think it's genetic, right?

Yeah, for sure.

But one of the articles had this really great analogy and said,

imagine if you see a family with generations of butchers or bakers.

Yeah.

Does that mean there's a gene for butchering or baking?

Right.

Not necessarily.

Yeah, it's probably more about the environment they grew up in.

They learned the trade from their parents.

They were exposed to it.

Exactly.

And say with these other conditions, the family environment plays a huge role.

Absolutely.

Especially during those early years when the brain is developing so rapidly.

It's like if you grow up in a family where there's a lot of dysfunction, a lot of stress,

it would be surprising if you didn't develop some similar issues.

Right.

It's almost like the environment is shaping the brain in a certain way.

And then there's this whole thing with twin studies.

Oh yeah, the classic nature versus nurture experiment.

Right.

The idea is you take identical twins who were separated at birth and raised in different environments and then you look at how similar they are and how different they are.

And the assumption is that similarities are due to genes and differences are due to environment.

Right.

But here's what the material pointed out and I thought this was really insightful.

Okay.

They said that line of thinking often ignores a major environmental factor, which adoption itself.

Oh, interesting.

The experience of being adopted, being separated from your birth mother.

Yeah.

That's a huge environmental influence.

Absolutely.

It's a major life event.

And you know, we often think about the need for babies to have a consistent caregiver.

That nurturing, loving presence.

Right.

And adoption kind of throws that out the window.

In a way, yeah.

Because you're being separated from the person you've been connected to for nine months.

The person whose voice you recognize, whose heartbeat you're familiar with.

And it's not just the separation itself.

Right.

A lot of adoptions don't happen right at birth.

There can be delays, multiple caregivers.

Yeah, so you might go from the hospital to a foster home, then to another foster home.

And each time there's that break in that bond.

And for a baby,

that sense of security is so important.

It's crucial for their development.

And that's often overlooked when we talk about twin studies.

We tend to focus on the differences in their adoptive families.

But we forget about the shared experience of being adopted.

Right.

That they both went through that separation.

And you know, one of the articles even had some anecdotes from adoptive mothers.

Okay.

Talking about how it takes time to build that bond with an adopted baby.

It's not always instant.

No.

Whereas with a biological child, there's often this more immediate connection.

Because you've been carrying them, you know them in a different way.

Exactly.

And there's another thing about adopted twins that's often overlooked.

Okay.

They shared the same womb.

Right.

They were exposed to the same prenatal environment.

And that can have a huge impact.

It can.

Because if the mother was under a lot of stress during pregnancy,

her stress hormones, like cortisol, Can affect the developing baby.

They can.

And those effects can last even after birth.

So if you think about pregnancies that end in adoption,

often there's a lot of stress involved.

Unplanned pregnancies, teenage mothers,

difficult circumstances.

Right.

So those babies are exposed to higher levels of stress hormones.

And that can have an impact on their brain development.

Even before they're born.

Even before they're born.

And the material kind of suggests that this might be one reason why adopted children are at a higher risk for certain psychological problems, including ADD.

It's not just genetics.

It's also the prenatal environment.

And there's actually a study from 1982 that found a much higher rate of adoption among people with ADD.

So there's definitely a connection there.

There is.

And you know, it's important to remember that all babies are different.

They're born with different temperaments, different sensitivities.

Right.

And one of the articles mentioned this guy, Stanley Greenspan.

Okay.

He talked about patterns of reactivity.

So like how sensitive a baby is to stimulation.

Yeah, exactly.

Some babies are easily overwhelmed.

Others are more laid back.

And these inborn differences can either become strengths or weaknesses.

Depending on the environment.

It all comes back to the environment.

It really does.

Like if a sensitive baby is raised in a chaotic, unpredictable environment,

that sensitivity could turn into anxiety or even ADD.

But if that same baby is raised in a calm, nurturing environment,

that sensitivity could become empathy or creativity.

So the environment really can make all the difference.

It's the deciding factor in how those inborn traits develop.

And you know, that's actually really hopeful.

It is.

It's empowering in a way.

Yeah, because if environment plays such a big role,

then we can change the environment.

We can create environments that help kids thrive.

Exactly.

And that's what the material calls environmental optimism.

If the environment is the problem, then the environment can also be the solution.

And they even talk about how changing the environment can help adults with ADD too.

So it's never too late.

Never too late.

And you know, one of the most striking examples of the power of environment is the story of the Gilmore family.

The one with Gary Gilmore?

Yeah, he was executed for murder.

But his brother, Mikal.

He became a writer?

A successful writer, yeah.

And they had completely different childhoods.

They did, even though they had the same parents.

The family went through a lot of changes.

There was a lot of violence, instability.

And Mikal was born after things had calmed down a bit.

He kind of missed out on all that.

And the difference in their experiences is really obvious in how they turned out.

And it just shows you how, even within the same family.

The environment can be completely different for different siblings.

And our understanding of the brain has really evolved.

Oh, yeah.

We used to think that the brain was pretty much fixed.

Like you're born with a certain brain and that's it.

But now we know that the environment has a huge impact on how the brain develops.

It can actually change the structure of the brain.

And the connections between brain cells.

The neural pathways.

Yeah.

And one of the authors even says that they believe the environment is the deciding factor in whether someone with ADD vulnerabilities will actually develop ADD.

So it's not just about having the genes.

It's about whether those genes are activated.

And there's so many things that can shape a child's environment.

It's not just one thing.

It's a whole combination of factors.

Like birth order, for example.

Being the oldest versus being the youngest.

That can have a big impact.

The expectations are different.

The dynamics with siblings are different.

And then there's the family's economic situation.

Whether they're struggling financially or doing well.

That can create a lot of stress or it can create a sense of security.

And even major historical events can have an impact.

Oh yeah, like wars, recessions.

Those things can affect the whole family's emotional state.

And you know, I was thinking about my own family.

We lived in Budapest during World War II.

And then we became refugees in Canada.

That must have been incredibly difficult.

It was.

And it definitely affected my parents.

Their emotional state, their parenting.

And I think it affected all of us kids too.

In different ways, probably.

Yeah.

Like my youngest brother and I both have depression and ADD.

But our middle brother doesn't.

And you were all raised in the same family.

We were, but the emotional environment was different for each of us.

Because your parents were at different points in their lives.

And they were dealing with different challenges.

And that brings us to this really interesting concept that the material talks about.

The invisible environment.

The invisible environment.

Yeah, it's this idea that even siblings who grow up in the same house don't necessarily

the same environment.

Because the most important environment isn't the physical one.

It's not the house or the neighborhood.

Right.

It's the emotional environment.

The feeling in the home.

Exactly.

And that can be very different for different kids.

Even in the same family.

Even in the same family.

Wow.

Because parents change over time.

Their relationship changes.

Their individual emotional states change.

And one of the authors really believes that parental psychological tension during infancy is a major factor in the development of ADD.

So it's not just about genes?

No, it's about the emotional environment the baby is exposed to.

And then there's this whole other layer.

Which is the parent's unconscious attitudes towards the child.

Their unconscious attitudes.

Yeah, like what the child represents to them.

On a deeper level.

Yeah, maybe the child reminds them of someone.

Or maybe they're projecting their own unmet needs onto the child.

And the material quotes this child psychiatrist, Margaret Mahler.

Okay.

She said that for an infant, the parent is like the principal representative of the world.

So the baby's whole world is their parents.

Pretty much.

And they're learning about the world through their interactions with their parents.

Through their parents' emotions, their tone of voice, their facial expressions.

And those subtle cues can have a huge impact.

Even if the parent isn't consciously aware of them.

Right.

It's not about what the parent says, it's about how they say it.

And you know, those things are really hard to measure.

They are.

They don't show up on psychological tests.

But they can make a big difference in a child's development.

And that's why the material argues that no two children really have the same parents.

Because they're experiencing different versions of their parents.

Different parenting styles, different emotional responses.

Even identical twins can be parented differently.

And that can lead to different outcomes.

And you know, going back to the Gilmore family, the two brothers who struggled more.

Gary and Frank.

Frank, yeah.

The other brothers felt like they got the darker side of their parents.

Well, the other two got more of the lightness.

And that just shows how even within the same family.

The experience of being parented can be vastly different.

And you know, the last point that the material makes.

Okay.

Is that everyone reacts differently to the same environment.

We all have different sensitivities, different thresholds.

So what might be traumatic for one child?

Might not even phase another child.

And because of those individual differences.

It's impossible for two children to have the exact same environment.

Even if they grew up in the same house with the same parents.

Their experience of that environment will be unique.

So what's the takeaway from all of this?

I think the big takeaway is that while genes are important.

They provide the potential.

They do.

The environment is ultimately what shapes us.

From the womb to the family to the wider culture.

And that's actually a really hopeful message.

It is because it means we have the power to change things.

We can create environments that support healthy development.

For children and for adults.

And I think that's a really important thing to remember.

It is and it leaves us with something to think about.

Yeah.

If environment is so powerful.

What were the key environmental influences in your own life?

How did your childhood shape who you are today?

It's a question worth pondering.