Chapter 30: In Place of Tears & Sorrow – Addictions & the ADD Brain

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All right, so today we're dug into something a little bit different.

And this one is actually really listener inspired because, you know, you folks have been sending us suggestions.

And this one really caught my attention because of the subject matter.

It says,

in place of tears and sorrow,

addictions in the ADD brain.

So obviously right off the bat, we know we're dealing with some pretty intense stuff here.

And the person who sent this in

explained that this really resonated with them personally.

And I think that it's really important we kind of unpack this together and see what, you know, what we can glean from it.

Yeah, absolutely.

And kind of get at the heart of what the author is trying to say about this connection

between ADD and anxious.

Yeah.

And I think what we really want to try to understand here is why might there be this, you know, predisposition or this this connection between attention deficit disorder and a higher chance of developing some kind of addiction.

And maybe even more importantly, what does that knowledge actually mean for us?

How can we use that to move forward in a positive way?

Yeah, exactly.

Like what's the takeaway for the listener for all of us, really?

Totally, totally.

And to kick us off,

the author actually starts with this.

It's kind of a haunting quote from Gunner Grass's The Tin Drum.

It goes like this.

It is not true that when the heart is full, the eyes necessarily overflow.

Some people can never manage it, especially in our century, which in spite of all the suffering and sorrow will surely be known as the tearless century.

Wow.

That's some heavy stuff, right?

It really gets you thinking about how we as a society

maybe deal with pain and sorrow and all of that.

Yeah.

I mean, right off the bat, it kind of sets this tone of like emotional avoidance, right?

Like, are we actually dealing with these things or are we kind of pushing them down?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Are we just kind of like stuffing it all down?

And maybe that's where some of this connection to addiction might come in.

Right, exactly.

It's like almost setting the stage for this idea of like numbing ourselves out in a way.

Yeah.

And then kind of building on that, the author brings up this idea that all addictions really function as anesthetics.

Yeah.

In a way, they're like ways that we try to

separate ourselves from distress or discomfort.

And it's an alluring thing.

Yeah.

It's very real solution long term.

It's a temporary fix.

It's a bandaid, right?

But the wound is still there.

Yeah, totally.

Totally.

And then the author makes this pretty bold claim and they suggest that a large amount of people who struggle with different kinds of addictions and they list a whole bunch,

whether it's gambling or they even talk about things like compulsive sex and shopping and alcoholism and extreme sports.

Wow, that's a pretty wide range.

Yeah.

And of course, substances too, right?

Like nicotine and alcohol and marijuana.

Yeah.

But a lot of these people

also have attention deficit disorder.

So it's not just like one specific type of addiction, but like across the board potentially there's this overlap.

Yeah.

It's like this underlying

vulnerability maybe or this tendency that might be connected.

Right.

Like something deeper going on.

Exactly.

Exactly.

And to really drive this point home, they give this pretty striking statistic.

They say that apparently the smoking rate among people with ADD is three times higher than the general population.

Wow.

That's a huge difference.

Yeah.

It's a pretty significant difference, right?

Yeah.

And it's like,

okay, so why might that be?

That's a big question.

Yeah.

And the author uses nicotine as this like key early example to kind of illustrate why these addictive substances that might be so appealing to the ADD brain specifically, right?

So they talk about how nicotine increases alertness.

Yeah.

Makes you feel more mentally sharp.

Yeah.

Which if you struggle with focus, that's like a pretty big draw.

Yeah.

I mean, think about it.

If you're someone whose brain is kind of all over the place and struggles to focus, which is a really common experience for people with ADD, then suddenly having that sharpness.

Yeah, that boost.

Yeah, that boost is going to feel really good and it's going to make you want to come back for more.

Right, right.

It's going to reinforce that behavior.

Totally, totally.

And it's not just about focus either.

This author also points out

that nicotine increases those feel good chemicals in your brain.

Yeah.

You know, like dopamine, which is that reward and motivation chemical and endorphins, which are, you know, all about pleasure and pain relief.

Oh, yeah.

So you get like a double whammy, you get the focus and then you get a good feeling.

Yeah, exactly.

It's like a one, two punch.

Right.

And then they kind of go on this little tangent about endorphins, which I thought was really fascinating.

Yeah.

What about that?

Well, they use this analogy.

They compare caffeine to like an alert sleepwalker.

Oh, okay.

And then they compare that to alcohol, which is obviously more like a stupor.

Right.

And they're saying that nicotine is kind of like this combination of the two where you get that heightened awareness, but then you also get this kind of like soothing feeling,

which they suggest could be especially appealing to people whose brains are kind of like always honored, you know, always feeling kind of overwhelmed and restless.

Oh, I see.

Yeah, that makes sense.

Yeah.

And then they bring in this really interesting little tale bit about toddlers.

Oh, I love a good toddler anecdote.

Yeah, they say that like, you know, toddlers have like these crazy high levels of endorphins in their brains.

Oh, so that's why they're always like bouncing off the walls.

Well, they're suggesting that that might be why they seem so like resilient to, you know, all the bumps and scrapes that they inevitably get while they're exploring the world.

That's interesting.

It's like built in pain relief.

Makes you kind of wonder why we lose that.

Right.

Like, why can't we keep those endorphin levels high forever?

But yeah, so that's just kind of an interesting aside.

But it really highlights, you know, this like this innate connection that we have to these these feel good chemicals in our brains.

Yeah.

And how substances can kind of hijack that system.

Right.

Exactly.

Exactly.

And the author doesn't just stop at substances, though.

They go on to talk about behavioral addictions as well.

Oh, interesting.

So like things that aren't necessarily ingesting something.

Right.

Exactly.

So they talk about how, you know, things like gambling or compulsive shopping and real seeking can trigger that that same release of dopamine and endorphins that we see with drugs.

It's like the brain doesn't really differentiate.

Right.

Like a reward is a reward.

Yeah.

It's like it's all about that that that reward system firing off.

And it doesn't really matter what's causing it, whether it's, you know, chemical or a behavior.

So it's almost like a common pathway for all these different types of addiction.

Totally.

And the author has this really kind of blunt line to say whatever gets you through the night, those of us with attention deficit disorder love dopamine and endorphins.

Wow.

Yeah.

That's that's pretty powerful.

Very direct.

Right.

Yeah.

And it really kind of sums up this this this underlying, you know, this drive to to seek out those those neurochemical boosts like a primal need almost.

Yeah.

And I think, you know, what the author is suggesting here is that if if your baseline levels of those neurotransmitters are different, you know, if you're already starting from a place of maybe having less dopamine or less endorphins, then that need to seek it out externally might be even stronger.

Yeah, that makes a lot of sense.

And then the chapter takes this this really personal turn.

Yeah.

And the author starts talking about their own struggles with with workaholism and compulsive buying.

Oh, wow.

So they're really laying it all out there.

Yeah, they get really vulnerable.

And they specifically talk about this this passion that they had that kind of spiraled into an addiction for classical records and CDs and books.

Oh, wow.

Yeah, I can see how that could happen.

Yeah.

And and they describe these behaviors as as attempts to to find oblivion.

OK.

And to kind of

like vicariously fulfill these unmet creative and spiritual needs.

And and I think that word vicariously is really important here.

Yeah.

What do you think they mean by that?

Well, I think they're saying that the core needs themselves aren't actually being addressed directly.

Right.

Right.

Like it's like they're trying to find fulfillment through this this this like accumulation of stuff, but it's not actually getting to the root of what's missing.

Oh, I see.

So it's like a substitute almost.

Exactly.

And I think that's something that can be really common with with ADD.

Right.

Like that that driven nature can sometimes make it hard to to actually pinpoint like what it is you're really yearning for and how to address it in a healthy way.

So you end up kind of chasing this external thing.

Yeah, you get caught up in this this external chase instead of looking inward.

Yeah.

And and what really struck me is this, you know, this contrast that they draw between, you know, having a healthy interest in something versus like this complete lack of control that comes with addiction.

Yeah.

That's a big distinction.

Yeah.

It's like, you know, you can love music and want to collect records, but at a certain point it becomes less about the music and more about the the act of acquiring it.

Right.

It's behavior that takes over.

Yeah.

And that's where it crosses the line.

And it becomes really problematic because then you're you're continuing this behavior, even though you know it's causing harm.

And you can't stop.

Yeah, you feel like you can't stop.

And and the author describes these these really intense feelings during these buying sprees.

You know, they talk about feeling like they were disappearing.

Oh, wow.

Like becoming a ghost almost.

That's a chilling image.

Yeah.

And they talk about feeling this immense self -contempt, like like just this really deep shame.

And that just kind of feeds the cycle.

Yeah, it's just like horrible spiral.

And they even compare, you know, the the look in their own eyes during these these episodes to like the vacant look of a heroin addict, which is just like that's heavy.

It's a really disturbing comparison.

Right.

Yeah.

And and they talk about the the money that they spent.

Yeah.

How much was it?

Like it was a truly insane amount of money, like almost eight thousand dollars on music in just one week.

Oh, my God.

It's like unfathomable.

Right.

And they talk about keeping all the receipts like as a memento of

these these driven days.

It's like a physical manifestation of the problem.

Yeah.

And I think that speaks to this this awareness that they had, you know, even in the midst of it all, like this this part of them that knew that something wasn't right, but they couldn't stop, but they couldn't stop.

And and then they talk about how workaholism actually became this this alibi for the spending addiction.

Oh, interesting.

Yeah.

Like they would rationalize these these crazy purchases as, you know, a reward for working so hard.

Like I deserve this.

Exactly.

And it's like it just becomes this really tangled web where one dependency is kind of like hiding behind another.

Right.

It's like a smoke screen almost.

Yeah.

And the author talks about this feeling of confusion, which they say is really common for people with ADD and addiction, where these dependencies felt like genuine parts of themselves.

Yeah.

But just like amplified to an unhealthy degree.

So the love of music, the desire to work hard, like those things are real.

Totally.

They're real desires.

But they're they're just being expressed in this really distorted way through this lens of compulsion.

Exactly.

And and then they have this really insightful observation where they say that the the excitement wasn't really about the goal itself.

Like it wasn't about actually listening to the music or reading the books.

It was about the act of acquiring them.

Oh, that makes a lot of sense.

Yeah.

And they even admit to still owning like unopened recordings from years ago.

Wow.

So it really wasn't about the music at all.

It was about that that dopamine hit of like getting the thing, the thrill of the exactly.

And and this is where the author really kind of nails down the difference between a passion and an addiction.

OK, they say that any passion can become an addiction.

Yeah.

And the key is who's in control?

Like, are you in control or is the behavior in control?

That's a good way to put it.

Yeah.

And and they say, you know, with addiction, you're continuing that behavior even though you know it's hurting you.

Right.

You can't stop even though you know it's bad for you.

And and there's this crucial distinction where, you know, a passion is fueled by love for the object.

Right.

Like you love music.

So you want to collect records.

Right.

But with addiction, the driving force is the thrill of the behavior itself.

That's a good distinction.

It's like, you know, gambling, for example.

It's not that you love losing money.

Right.

It's that you love the adrenaline rush, the gamble, the anticipation.

Yeah, exactly.

So it's not really about the object itself.

It's about the the the feeling that you get from the behavior.

So the object is almost irrelevant.

Yeah, in a way.

And then the author moves into this this really, you know, painful territory of talking about how their addiction impacted their family life.

Yeah.

And this is where it gets really real.

Yeah.

And and it goes way beyond just like the financial strain and the time commitment.

The core issue was this inability to be really present and emotionally available for their family.

Oh, wow.

Yeah.

Because they were so consumed by this this, you know, this

fever of addiction, as they call it.

It's like they're not really there even when they're physically present.

Yeah.

And they give some really heartbreaking examples like, you know, constantly making their kids wait or hurrying them along.

And and the lies that they told their spouse daily and the broken promises like it just became this pattern of, you know, not being able to show up for the people that they loved.

It's like the addiction creates this wall between them and the people they care about.

Yeah.

And they talk about, you know, even when they were physically present, their mind was always somewhere else.

Yeah.

Thinking about the next purchase or trying to hide the latest things that they bought.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That secrecy is really damaging.

Yeah.

It erodes trust.

And then and then it gets even worse because the author starts to talk about

the self loathing that they felt and how that that kind of like spilled over into, you know, harshness and criticism towards their kids.

Oh, wow.

Yeah, that's that's tough.

Yes.

Like this vicious cycle, right?

It's like the addiction makes you feel bad about yourself.

You take it out on the people you love.

And then that just makes you feel worse.

Yeah, it's just this like downward spiral.

And and they even share this this this really extreme example where they they actually left a woman in labor to go buy music.

Oh, my God.

It's like that's how strong this compulsion was.

Yeah, that's really powerful.

Yeah.

And it just shows how addiction can like completely override your values and your sense of responsibility.

Like in that moment, it takes over everything.

Yeah.

And then afterwards, you know, they talk about the the rationalizations that they would make to try and justify that behavior.

Right.

Because you have to somehow make sense of it.

Exactly.

And and then the author makes this this really interesting point that that addiction,

you know, in a paradoxical way, can actually make you feel more alive in the moment.

Oh, that's interesting.

Yeah.

Because that dopamine and endorphin rush.

Yeah.

You know, it's like this this artificial high like a burst of energy.

Yeah.

But but but ultimately it leads to a deeper separation from your true self.

So it's like a false sense of connection.

It's like a counterfeit connection.

And and the author puts it really well.

They say that, you know, addiction feeds appetite, but it never satisfies true hunger.

That's a beautiful way to put it.

Yeah.

And here's like really the the the core of the argument.

Right.

The author views addiction as a form of self medication.

OK.

It's like a way of of self administering emotional pain relief.

Like you're trying to numb the pain.

Yeah.

And especially for people with undiagnosed you know, they might be struggling with these these executive function challenges or you know, emotional ups and downs.

Right.

And an addiction can offer this this temporary sense of relief or regulation.

Yeah.

Right.

Makes you feel better in the moment.

Yeah.

But it's obviously not a healthy long term solution.

It's a bandaid again.

And the author is really adamant about this.

They say that, you know, treating ADD effectively can't really happen until any co -occurring addiction is like you can't really become aware of your life and engage with it in a healthy way if you're constantly trying to numb yourself out.

Yeah.

It's like you're trying to wake up, but you keep hitting the snooze button.

Exactly.

And they say that, you know, addiction causes this this this this thing that they call the true self to fall asleep.

Oh, wow.

And and and that recognizing and owning the addiction is the first step towards waking up to that underlying pain.

That's powerful.

Yeah.

It's like you have to acknowledge the problem before you can start to heal.

Totally.

And then the author brings in this this concept from Robert J.

Kearney, who talks about striving for ownership.

Oh, OK.

What is that?

Well, it's basically this idea that, you know, we should be aware of the events that happen to us and how we interpret those events and our emotional reactions to them.

OK.

And the author is suggesting that addiction kind of like disrupts that process of emotional ownership.

Oh, I think like by constantly seeking out, you know, external stimulation or numbing ourselves,

we're skipping over that first step of like actually being aware of our internal experiences and how we're interpreting them.

You become disconnected from your feelings.

Yeah.

And and the author talks about this this conversation that they had with their therapist where they were kind of lamenting the the difficulty of just, you know, deciding to feel pain and grief on command.

Right.

Like just make yourself feel it.

Yeah.

And the therapist had this really insightful response.

They said that, you know,

constant self -simulation, whether it's through, you know, substances or behaviors,

it just doesn't leave any space for those deeper emotions to surface.

Yeah.

It's like you're always filling the void with something else.

Exactly.

And so there's no room for those those those those quieter, you know, more subtle emotions to actually come up like you're drowning them out.

Yeah.

And this leads into a discussion about the potential biological predisposition to addiction that can stem from like imbalances in brain chemicals.

OK.

So they talk about how, you know, narcotic addicts might have a natural undersupply of endorphins and people with ADD might have a shortage of dopamine.

So it's like a biological vulnerability.

Yeah.

And it's not to contribute to, you know, a greater susceptibility to addiction.

It's like one piece of the puzzle.

And the author acknowledges this whole debate about whether addiction is primarily due to genetics or lack of willpower.

Yeah.

Like nature versus nurture.

Yeah.

And they're saying that both of those perspectives contain a kernel of truth, but they kind of miss the bigger picture.

It's more complicated than that.

Yeah.

It's way more nuanced than that.

And then they bring up this really interesting idea that these deficient neurochemistries that we see in both addiction and ADD might often be traced back to events that happened in the first year or two of life.

Oh, wow.

So like early childhood experience.

Yeah.

Like that really formative period for brain development makes that would be a crucial time.

And they bring in some pretty compelling evidence to support this.

You know, they talk about how infant monkeys who are separated from their mothers experience a drop in dopamine levels.

Oh, wow.

And that they also mentioned this researcher, Alan Shore,

who suggests that that early deprivation of empathetic care can actually lead to a permanent reduction in the brain's opiate receptors.

Wow.

So that's like a physical change in the brain.

Yeah.

And opiate receptors are, you know, they're the ones that are involved in feelings of comfort and connection.

So if those are reduced, that's a big deal.

Yeah.

And then they kind of extend this idea to societal factors.

And they talk about how high rates of substance abuse in oppressed minority populations might be connected to the immense stresses that are imposed on family life.

Yeah, that makes sense.

It's like those chronic stresses can contribute to these same neurochemical deficiencies.

So it's not just individual, it's also systemic.

Exactly.

And they contrast this with, you know, the media's focus on genetic explanations, like the alcoholism gene.

Right.

It's way more complex than just a single gene.

Yeah.

And then they make this really crucial point that the pain that the substance abuser is trying to escape often stems from those same early experiences that might have contributed to the chemical imbalances in the first place.

Oh, wow.

So it's like a double whammy.

Yeah, it's like a self -perpetuating cycle.

You know, they're trying to numb the pain that might have been caused by those early experiences.

And the numbing prevents them from dealing with the root of the problem.

Exactly.

And so the author, you know, they point out that a large number of adults with ADD report having a history of substance abuse.

And they talk about the challenge of trying to treat children with ADD when their parents have their own untreated addictions.

Yeah, that must be really difficult.

Yeah.

And they note that some parents actually decline for their help when their own issues are brought to light.

It can be hard to face those things.

Yeah.

And they draw this parallel between, you know, parents who might be hindering their children's progress by not addressing their own addictions and adults with ADD who might be hindering their own progress by clinging to their addictions.

Yeah, that's a good point.

It's like it's about taking responsibility for your own healing journey.

And they point out that a lot of traditional addiction recovery approaches, they just focus on the addiction itself without really addressing those underlying causes.

And that's why a lot of people relapse.

Yeah.

And they bring in this quote from Hallowell and Rady's book, Driven to Distraction.

Oh, yeah, that's a great book.

And they emphasize the importance of understanding the purpose that the drug or the addictive behavior serves for the user.

Right.

It's not just about the substance.

It's about the need.

It's fulfilling.

Yeah.

And so the author's point is that, you know, for successful treatment, you have to address both the ADD and the addiction.

Yeah, they're intertwined.

Yeah, you can't really treat one without the other.

It has to be a holistic approach.

And then to kind of wrap things up, they circle back to

the tin drum.

Oh, wow.

And they talk about that image of the nightclub where people are sniffing onions to make themselves cry.

Yeah, I remember that part.

And they're saying that, you know, they're addicted to this artificial intensity of emotion.

Yeah, it's like they're trying to force themselves to feel something.

And it highlights how disconnected we can become from our genuine griefs.

Which are a natural part of life.

Yeah.

And the author believes that

those griefs, those difficult emotions,

they're actually the truest parts of ourselves.

So by avoiding them, we're actually avoiding ourselves.

Exactly.

And the chapter ends with this really powerful line.

There is no path toward oneself that leads away from the pain.

Wow.

And it's like a reminder that true healing and self -discovery involve confronting those difficult emotions.

Not running away from them.

Not numbing them out.

Not trying to escape them.

Yeah, facing them head on.

Yeah.

So I think that the key takeaway here is that, you know, addiction,

especially in the context of an ADD brain,

it's often a way of trying to cope with this deeper emotional pain and these neurochemical imbalances.

Right.

And understanding that connection can be a really important step toward self -awareness and healing.

Absolutely.

And it can help us to approach treatment in a more compassionate and effective way.

Yeah, totally.

And so on that note, I want to leave you with a final thought.

You know, think about those habits or interests in your own life that might seem harmless on the surface.

Could any of them be serving as a kind of anesthetic?

Oh, interesting.

A way to kind of gently shield yourself from uncomfortable feelings or unresolved issues.

Like, what are we avoiding?

Yeah.

And what true Greece, as the author calls them, might be worth exploring, you know, even though it might be difficult.

It's a good question to ask ourselves.

Yeah, it's something to really ponder.

And thanks for joining us for this really important deep dive.

Absolutely.

It was a pleasure.

All right.

We'll see you next time.