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Have you ever stopped to think about what it really means to like attend to something?
I mean, we usually think of it as like paying attention, right?
And focusing on something outside of ourselves.
But today, we're going deeper.
Yeah, much deeper.
We're diving into what it means to truly attend, not just to the world out there, but to our own inner world, to the people around us, how we engage, how we connect.
It's about that depth of connection, and ultimately it's about our own personal growth.
And we've got a quote to guide us today.
Oh yeah, a good one.
From Rainer Maria Rilke, he says, "'But it is clear we must embrace struggle.
"'Every living thing conforms to it.
"'Everything in nature grows "'and establishes itself in its own way, "'establishing its own identity, "'insisting on it at all cost, against all resistance.
"'We can be sure of very little, "'but the need to court struggle is a surety "'that will not leave us.'" Powerful stuff, right?
It is.
It really sets the stage for what we're talking about.
Yeah, this whole idea that like, struggle is essential for growth,
and for figuring out who you really are.
It's like a key part of attending to ourselves in the world.
Absolutely, and especially for people who feel different,
whose experience of the world might not quite match up with what's considered normal.
Exactly, so today we're gonna really dig into what it means to accept ourselves.
Especially for people who maybe don't feel like they fit in with typical expectations.
Right, and we'll also be looking at the bigger picture, how society plays a role in all of this.
We've got some really interesting material to explore.
Oh yeah, we do.
So let's get into it.
Okay, so we're starting with Elizabeth.
She is a 50 -year -old interior designer, and she talks about how she's spent her whole life pretending to be normal.
Wow, that's a long time.
It is, and her story really highlights the experiences of so many adults with ADD, you know?
Yeah, that feeling of always having to put on a show just to get by.
She talks about how she's always trying to tone down her reactions to things, you know, because she feels things very intensely.
That's common with ADD.
And then there's like, suppressing her natural energy because she's got a lot of it, and even faking enthusiasm.
Oh, I hate when I have to do that.
Right, it's exhausting.
It's like you're constantly putting on an act.
Exactly, and Elizabeth also mentions the fear,
you know, that fear of being found out.
Like someone's gonna see through the mask.
Right, that any little slip -up, a spontaneous reaction or a glimpse of her real self will reveal that she's different.
And it's not just being different, it's that underlying anxiety that people will reject the real you.
I think that's a fear a lot of people can relate to.
Oh, definitely, but for people with ADD, it can be like a constant weight on their shoulders.
And the material we're looking at points out that this constant self -regulation,
you know, this performance,
it takes a huge toll.
Oh yeah, it's draining mentally and emotionally.
And it actually prevents people from being able to fully engage with themselves and the world around them.
It's like they're so busy trying to fit in that they miss out on really experiencing life.
So now we're looking at the difference between people who feel different very consciously and those who just seem to fit in more easily.
Mm, interesting.
Yeah, and the material makes a distinction here.
Like even those who seem to blend in might hold back parts of themselves.
Right, they might not be completely open and authentic all the time.
What, but it's not a constant struggle.
Exactly, they don't have that same awareness of wearing a mask.
They're not always on guard waiting for it to slip.
And this leads to a really interesting point about the irony of it all.
What do you mean?
Well, the material talks about how so much energy is wasted by adults with ADD trying to achieve this idea of normalcy.
Hmm, yeah, it's like chasing a moving target.
It is, and it's a target that might not even exist.
Like whose definition of normal are we even talking about?
Right, it's all subjective.
So trying to force yourself into some mold that might not even fit you, that's where the struggle comes in.
And the material argues that the world is actually more accepting of genuine difference than it is of this kind of forced conformity.
You mean people can sense that inner conflict?
I think so, it's the self -rejection that people react against.
So the key isn't to try harder to fit in.
Right, that can feel impossible anyway.
It's more about embracing your own unique way of being.
Accepting that maybe you don't conform to certain expectations.
And that starts with the people closest to you.
Especially for children.
Absolutely, if a child is naturally energetic or sensitive or thinks differently,
their parents need to welcome that.
Yeah, not to force them into a box.
Celebrate their individuality.
Because if you're constantly at war with yourself, that's gonna show up in how you interact with others.
Yeah, but if you can be comfortable in your own skin,
that's what attracts people.
It's that authenticity that creates genuine connection.
So it's not about changing who you are, it's about understanding and appreciating who you are.
And this process of self -acceptance.
It's not a quick fix.
No, it's a journey.
It takes time.
And it can be challenging.
There might be setbacks.
But the material emphasizes that even if you never completely overcome the feeling of being different.
The process itself is where the growth happens.
That's where the healing is.
It's about the journey, not the destination.
And for a lot of people who feel different,
the initial feeling is one of isolation.
Like they're the only ones who feel this way.
Right, but the material reminds us that millions of people in North America are affected by ADD in some way.
So you're not alone.
And that's why support groups can be so helpful.
Whether it's for adults with ADD or parents of kids with ADD.
It's about connecting with others who understand what you're going through.
Sharing experiences.
Finding strength in community.
There's power in knowing you're not the only one.
And that collective strength is important not just for individual support, but also for driving societal change.
Right, because we need to change how society views ADD.
Especially professionals in helping fields.
Right now there's a lot of foggy awareness, confusion,
and odd war hostile skepticism around ADD.
So it can be really hard for people to get diagnosed, to get the support they need and to feel accepted.
It's like trying to solve a puzzle when you don't have all the pieces.
And people are arguing about whether the puzzle even exists.
And this actually reminds me of a situation in medicine.
Oh yeah, the material uses this really interesting analogy
to childbirth.
Specifically, episiotomies.
You know that incision they used to make during almost every vaginal birth?
Yeah, it was standard procedure.
I remember when I had my first child, this was considered normal.
It was what they taught in medical schools.
But then there were midwives who were saying that episiotomies weren't necessary in most cases.
They were advocating for more natural birthing practices.
Like letting women give birth in different positions and not intervening unless absolutely necessary.
And at the time, these ideas were seen as radical.
Yeah, like going against the established medical wisdom.
But now.
A lot of those alternative practices have been proven right by research.
What midwives had been doing for centuries is finally being recognized by the mainstream medical community.
And it wasn't just the research that made this happen?
No, it was also years of advocacy from women and families.
People demanding more natural birthing options?
And eventually, things started to change.
Not everywhere.
But in a lot of places, those practices became more common.
And the material draws three key conclusions from this experience that are relevant to ADD and really any field.
Like education psychology therapy.
The first one is that the traditional medical perspective often doesn't trust nature.
There's this tendency to want to intervene to fix things instead of letting things unfold naturally.
And the second conclusion is that there's truth and knowledge out there, even if it's not being taught in the established systems.
Like what the midwives knew was valuable, even though it wasn't part of medical school curriculum.
And third,
sometimes professionals need to be educated by the public.
Through advocacy.
Through people sharing their lived experiences.
And demanding better care.
So it's really important for individuals with ADD and their parents to be proactive.
To speak up.
To share their knowledge.
To educate the professionals they're working with.
And the material then shifts to the importance of accepting painful feelings.
Like sadness, disappointment, anger.
All of it.
And the idea is that avoiding pain isn't a realistic goal.
Not for anyone.
And especially not for people with ADD.
Because emotional pain is part of life.
It's unavoidable.
And trying to suppress it actually makes it worse.
It's like holding a beach ball underwater.
You can only do it for so long.
Eventually it's gonna pop back up.
And the material also makes this beautiful point
that experiencing pain doesn't mean you can't also experience joy.
They can coexist.
You can feel sadness and still appreciate the beauty in the world.
It's about finding that balance.
And there's wisdom in learning to accept and endure the pain that's unavoidable.
Instead of fighting against it?
The material quotes Stanley Greenspan.
Oh yeah, he's great.
He talks about the importance of parents helping their kids deal with sadness and disappointment.
Not trying to shield them from it.
Because the goal is to help kids learn to tolerate those feelings without resorting to unhealthy coping mechanisms.
And this ties back to the development of ADD in adulthood.
The material suggests that avoiding emotional distress in childhood might actually contribute to the development of ADD patterns later on.
Like a way of protecting yourself from those difficult feelings.
But it ends up backfiring.
Because you never learn how to cope with them in a healthy way.
And the important thing to remember is that sadness is temporary.
It'll pass.
All feelings do.
So learning to ride the waves of emotion, that's a key part of resilience.
And then the discussion moves on to the connection between relationships and attention.
And how love plays a crucial role.
The material uses Scott Peck's definition of love.
He says love is an action.
It's the willingness to extend yourself.
To help another person grow.
Or even to help yourself grow.
And that act of extending yourself, it's not always easy.
It often means doing the things that are hard.
Facing your fears.
Pushing yourself outside of your comfort zone.
And for parents, that means actively showing love in everyday interactions.
Being present.
Being understanding.
Being supportive.
Especially when things are tough.
And for adults with ADD, the challenge is learning to extend that same love to themselves.
Yeah, that can be hard.
It requires a lot of inner work.
Letting go of old defenses.
Shedding those layers of protection that you might have built up over the years.
Because sometimes those defenses are what's keeping you from truly accepting yourself.
And this brings us back to the concept of attending.
The word attend comes from the Latin word tender.
Which means to stretch toward.
So to attend is to extend yourself.
Toward another person.
Or toward yourself.
And love, in its active form, is all about extending yourself.
So love and attention are deeply connected.
And the material ends with this powerful statement.
If we can actively love, there will be no attention deficit and no disorder.
Wow.
I know, right?
It's like saying that the root of the problem isn't really about attention at all.
It's about our ability to love and accept ourselves and others.
Fully and completely.
So to wrap up this deep dive.
Yeah.
The journey of truly attending.
It's about embracing our differences.
Learning to love ourselves.
And recognizing the power of connection.
And we wanna leave you with this final thought.
Okay.
Think about how much energy you spend trying to fit in.
Trying to meet other people's expectations.
Trying to suppress the parts of yourself that feel different.
What if you could redirect that energy?
Toward self -acceptance.
Self -understanding.
Self -compassion.
What would that look like?
We encourage you to think about one small step you can take today to start attending more fully to your own unique and valuable experience.
Thanks for joining us on this deep dive.
See you next time.