Chapter 3: The Art of Listening and Understanding Audiences

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Have you ever had that feeling where like you're so excited to tell someone something and they're just not really listening?

Oh yeah.

It happened to Rose Finnegan the other day.

So she got this big promotion at work.

Wow.

And she was like super pumped to tell her husband, you know, and he was just like glued to his laptop.

Oh no.

And she was like, honey, I got the promotion.

Yeah.

And he was like, oh, that's great.

You know, still just like looking at his screen.

Yeah.

I think we've all kind of been there at some point.

Absolutely.

You know, on either side of that.

Yeah, for sure.

And it's like it really highlights something that's so important that we're going to be talking about today, which is that a lot of us think we're really good listeners, but maybe we're not quite as good as we think we are.

Most people really aren't.

Right.

It's interesting because when you think about it, there's actually a real difference between hearing and listening.

I mean, hearing is just that physiological process, right?

Right.

Just sound waves hitting your eardrum.

Right.

Exactly.

But listening is different.

It's like a mental process.

Yeah.

Where you're actually paying attention to what you're hearing and you're trying to make sense of it and understand it.

Right.

It's active.

Exactly.

It's work.

Yeah.

And studies show that like on average, people only grasp about 50 % of what they hear.

That's wild.

Yeah.

Like right away.

Yeah.

Like immediately after someone's talking to them.

Wow.

And then after like 24 hours, it drops to like 10%.

Oh my gosh.

So, you know, it really does make you wonder if listening is becoming kind of a lost art.

Right.

Especially with all the distractions we have now.

Oh yeah.

So for today's Deep Dive, our mission is to explore why listening is so important.

What are some of the barriers to good listening?

Yeah.

What are the different ways that we listen?

Right.

And most importantly, some practical strategies that we can all start using today to be better listeners.

Definitely.

I mean, this is something that everyone can benefit from and we're going to be looking at all the key ideas, all the research and even some interesting case studies and stories from our source material to make it all come to life.

Exactly.

I think it's worth pointing out that this isn't just some theoretical, you know, academic thing.

Yeah.

This is really relevant to all of us, no matter what we do.

Absolutely.

Think about anyone that you admire,

anyone that's really successful, like business leaders, inspiring teachers, just effective communicators in general, chances are they're all excellent listeners.

Right.

They really know how to take in information accurately and efficiently.

And that's such a crucial part of their success.

Yeah.

And it feels like that's becoming even more important than ever before in this age of like constant communication and digital distractions.

Absolutely.

Our sources point out that over 60 % of business errors can be traced back to poor listening.

That's huge.

Which is pretty shocking when you think about it.

It is.

And then there was this study that found that like 64 % of people feel like it's harder to focus and listen effectively now than it was even just a few years ago.

I can believe that.

And it's like probably because of all the notifications and pings and...

Yeah, everything competing for our attention.

Right, exactly.

So when we look at like the benefits of being a good listener, the rewards are pretty significant.

They are.

Our sources talk about increased efficiency, better sales, happier customers, even like improved morale among employees.

And all of those things contribute to like greater career success.

Absolutely.

So when businesses identify essential communication skills, listening always comes out on top.

For sure.

Yeah.

And it's not just about work either.

Right.

I mean, think about how much time we spend listening in our daily lives.

I mean, we spend more time listening than reading, writing or speaking.

It's true.

And you know, for students especially, our sources point out that there's a strong correlation between strong listening skills and higher grades.

Yeah.

If you're not paying attention in class, it's going to be pretty hard to do well.

And what I think is really interesting is that listening is not just about receiving information passively.

It's also a really important way for speakers to gather ideas and improve their own speaking by listening to others.

That's a great point.

And so like if you think about a public speaking class, for example,

our sources talk about how it's a great opportunity to practice listening because all that time that you're not the one speaking, you can really focus on honing your listening skills.

Absolutely.

And pay attention to what other people are doing well and how they're structuring their speeches and you know what their strengths are and what their weaknesses are and learn from that.

Exactly.

And you know, this leads us to kind of a fascinating connection between listening and critical thinking because our sources introduce us to these four different kinds of listening.

OK, there's appreciative listening, which is about listening for enjoyment, like when you listen to music.

Right.

Then there's empathic listening, where you're really focused on understanding and supporting someone else's feelings.

Then we have comprehensive listening, which is about understanding the message that's being communicated.

And finally, critical listening, which involves evaluating the message.

Right.

And you know, all four of these types of listening are important in different situations.

But for this deep dive, we're going to really be focusing on comprehensive listening and critical listening, because those are the types that are most relevant to academics, to your professional life, and just to navigating the constant stream of persuasive messages that we're all bombarded with every day.

Exactly.

And it's really interesting to me how these two types of listening are so closely tied to critical thinking.

Oh, absolutely.

So like comprehensive listening involves things like summarizing information accurately, recalling facts and details, which are both essential for being able to think critically about what you've heard.

For sure.

And then critical listening takes it a step further and asks us to do things like distinguish between facts and opinions,

identify flaws in reasoning, and assess the quality of the evidence that's being presented.

Yeah.

And that all requires really active mental engagement.

And that's what critical thinking is all about.

Okay.

So we've talked about why listening is so important, but now I want to talk about why so many people struggle with it.

Okay.

So our sources identify four main causes of poor listening.

And the first one is something that I think probably we all experience from time to time, which is just not concentrating.

Yeah.

I mean, it's so easy to get distracted.

It is.

Especially these days.

Right.

You know, and part of this has to do with how our brains work.

Okay.

So we typically speak at a rate of like 120 to 180 words per minute, but our brains can process information much faster, like up to 400 to 500 words per minute.

Wow.

So that difference creates what's called spare brain time.

Interesting.

And it's during that spare brain time that our minds tend to wander.

Right.

Because we have all that extra capacity.

Exactly.

Okay.

So can you give us an example of this?

Sure.

So one of the stories from our sources is about this student, Jessica Chen, and she's in this class on exercise and mental health and physically she's there in the classroom, but her mind is totally somewhere else.

Oh yeah.

She's thinking about like weekend plans and her gym routine and even like replaying a conversation she had with her boss the day before.

Oh, I've totally been there.

Oh yeah.

We all have.

You're like sitting in a meeting and you suddenly realize you have no idea what anyone's been talking about for the last five minutes.

Right.

Because your mind was just off on a tangent.

Exactly.

And I think what the story highlights is that concentrating really does take effort.

It's work.

It is.

Real mental work.

Yeah.

And there's this great quote from the famous trial lawyer, Louis Neiser, who said that just the effort of listening intently throughout a trial could leave him mentally exhausted.

Wow.

So it really does take a lot of focus to stay engaged and prevent our minds from wandering.

Okay.

So that's the first cause, not concentrating.

What about the second one?

So the second cause is actually kind of counterintuitive.

It's listening too hard.

Oh, that's interesting.

Yeah.

This happens when we try to remember every single detail that the speaker says, as if every word is equally important.

Right.

But the problem is that when we do that, we can actually miss the bigger picture.

Right.

Like we get so bogged down in the details that we lose sight of the main point.

So can you give us an example of this?

Yeah.

So in our sources, there's this story about a guy named Carlos Molina and he's at this financial planning workshop.

And the speaker, Simone, is talking about the importance of saving for retirement.

Right.

And she's giving all these statistics and figures.

And Carlos is like frantically writing everything down, trying to capture every single number.

Okay.

But he completely misses her main message, which is, start saving now and we'll provide you with personalized guidance to help you reach your goals.

Yeah.

So he's so focused on the numbers that he doesn't actually grasp the practical advice.

He misses the forest for the trees.

Exactly.

So the takeaway here is that we should focus on understanding the main points and the supporting evidence rather than trying to memorize every single word.

Exactly.

Okay.

So what about the third cause of poor listening?

The third cause is jumping to conclusions.

Okay.

And our sources say there are two main ways that this happens.

Okay.

The first is when we put words in the speaker's mouth.

Right.

Like we think we know what they're going to say before they've even finished their thought.

Oh, yeah, I do that.

Yeah, we all do it sometimes.

Yeah.

And our sources give this great example of conversation between two people, Alyssa and Michael.

Okay.

Michael is Alyssa's boss and he's the publisher of this blog.

And he calls Alyssa into his office and he's like, Alyssa, we need to talk about some changes.

And Alyssa's like immediately freaking out because she's feeling insecure about her job.

Right.

And she just assumes that he's going to fire her or demote her.

But it turns out that he's actually going to offer her a promotion.

But she's so quick to jump to conclusions that she doesn't even let him finish a sentence.

Right.

She just hears what she wants to hear or like what she's afraid of hearing.

Exactly.

And it creates this whole misunderstanding that could have been easily avoided if she just like asked a clarifying question.

Absolutely.

Yeah.

And then the other way that we jump to conclusions is when we prejudge a topic as boring or irrelevant.

Oh, yeah.

So like our sources use this example of a lecture on architecture and history.

Okay.

And some people might just hear that and be like, oh, that sounds so boring and they just tune out.

Right.

But by doing that, they might miss out on some really interesting information and insights.

Right.

You never know.

Exactly.

So the key takeaway here is that almost every speech, every conversation has something valuable to offer.

And when we prejudge, we're basically closing ourselves off to learning and understanding.

Right.

We're limiting ourselves.

Exactly.

So what's the fourth cause of poor listening?

The fourth cause is focusing on delivery and personal appearance.

Okay.

So this happens when we get so distracted by the speaker's appearance or their mannerisms or their accent that we don't really pay attention to what they're actually saying.

Right.

And our sources tell this story about a couple, Abby and Noah.

Okay.

And they're attending this information session at a daycare.

And the director of the daycare is in a wheelchair.

Okay.

And Noah gets so fixated on the wheelchair that he doesn't really listen to anything the director is saying about the school's curriculum or their philosophy or their safety procedures.

Oh, wow.

So he's missing out on all this important information just because he's distracted by the director's physical appearance.

Right.

And it's not just about physical disabilities either.

It could be anything that draws our attention away from the message.

Right.

Like someone's clothing or their hairstyle or even just like a nervous habit.

Yeah.

Anything that makes us focus on the speaker rather than the message.

So this is a really important thing to be aware of because it can be a major obstacle to effective communication.

Okay.

So we've talked about four reasons why people are often poor listeners.

Yeah.

Now let's shift gears and talk about how to become a better listener.

Okay.

So our sources outline seven key strategies.

Right.

And the first one is make a conscious decision to take listening seriously.

Yeah.

And what's interesting is that they point out that good listening is not something that you're just born with.

It's a skill.

It is.

And like any skill, it takes practice and self -discipline to develop.

Absolutely.

It's not about being naturally talented or intelligent.

It's about making a conscious effort.

Right.

To improve.

And so they even include this listening self -evaluation worksheet in the book.

Oh, yeah.

To help you assess your current listening habits and identify areas where you can improve.

And the idea is that you really take an honest look at your strengths and weaknesses as a listener.

Yeah.

And then make a commitment to work on those weaknesses.

And the second strategy is to be an active listener.

Okay.

So this is the opposite of passive listening, which is what a lot of us do.

Like when we're listening to someone talk while we're also checking our phones or doing something else.

Right.

We're only half paying attention.

Exactly.

Yeah.

Active listening is about giving the speaker your undivided attention.

Yeah.

And making a genuine effort to understand their perspective.

Right.

And that involves things like not interrupting.

Yeah.

Not trying to finish their sentences for them.

Mm -hmm.

And really minimizing distractions, both external and internal.

Absolutely.

And then resisting the urge to prejudge the speaker or their message.

Yeah.

Being present in the conversation.

And really focusing on what the other person is saying.

Exactly.

And you know, the next few strategies that we're going to talk about are all really about supporting that goal of becoming a more active listener.

So the third strategy is resist distractions.

Which is obviously a lot easier said than done.

Oh, yeah.

Especially in today's world.

Especially now.

We have so many things competing for our attention.

It's true.

But our sources do offer some really practical tips for how to regain focus when we find ourselves getting distracted.

Right.

So one technique is to think ahead of the speaker.

Okay.

So to anticipate what they might say next.

Mm -hmm.

And it's important to distinguish this from jumping to conclusions, which we talked about earlier.

Yeah.

This is more about like actively engaging with what the speaker is saying.

Right.

And using your anticipation as a way to kind of prepare your mind for what's coming.

Right.

So you're not caught off guard.

Exactly.

And then you can either confirm or adjust your understanding as the speaker continues.

Yeah.

Another helpful strategy is to periodically like mentally summarize what the speaker has said so far.

Mm -hmm.

To make sure that you've grasped the main points before they move on to something new.

That's a good room.

And then there's this idea of listening between the lines.

Okay.

Which is about paying attention not just to the words that are being spoken.

Mm -hmm.

But also to the speaker's tone of voice, their body language.

Right.

And any other nonverbal cues that they might be giving off.

Yeah.

So like our sources give this example of someone introducing a very dear friend.

Okay.

But they do it without any like warmth or physical affection.

Yeah.

And so it kind of makes you question like are they really that close?

Right.

Like maybe there's some tension there that's not being said explicitly.

And it's like all that information is being conveyed beyond just the words themselves.

Exactly.

And that's what listening between the lines is all about.

Yeah.

It's about picking up on those subtle cues.

Exactly.

And it takes practice.

Mm -hmm.

But with conscious effort, it definitely becomes easier to focus your listening and resist distractions.

For sure.

Okay.

So what's the fourth strategy?

The fourth strategy is don't be diverted by appearance or delivery.

Okay.

And this is a really important one, especially in today's world where we're constantly bombarded with images and videos.

Right.

And it's easy to get caught up in how someone looks or how they sound rather than what they're actually saying.

And our sources give this great example of Abraham Lincoln's Cooper Union speech in 1860.

Oh, yeah.

And apparently Lincoln was not a very conventionally attractive man.

Right.

And he didn't have the most polished delivery.

Yeah.

But his message about slavery was incredibly powerful, and it resonated deeply with his audience.

It did.

And they were able to look beyond his appearance and his delivery and focus on the substance of his words.

Exactly.

And that's what we all need to do because there are a lot of really brilliant people out there who might not have the most polished delivery or the most conventionally attractive appearance, but that doesn't mean that their ideas aren't worth listening to.

Right.

And on the flip side, there are also a lot of very charismatic people out there who might be very persuasive, but their ideas might not actually be very sound.

Right.

So it's really important to focus on the message, not the messenger.

Exactly.

And evaluate the ideas on their own merits.

What about the fifth strategy?

The fifth strategy is suspend judgment.

Okay.

And this one can be really challenging.

Yeah.

Because it's natural to want to form opinions about what we're hearing.

Right.

And to agree or disagree.

But the problem is that when we do that too quickly, we can miss out on nuances.

Right.

And we can also shut down dialogue.

Yeah.

So the idea here is to try to really hear the speaker out.

Okay.

Before you form any judgments.

Try to understand their perspective.

Yeah.

Examine their evidence.

And then once you've done that, then you can evaluate their ideas.

But the key is to approach the conversation with an open mind.

Right.

Because as the saying goes, a closed mind is an empty mind.

Okay.

So that's suspend judgment.

Right.

What's the sixth strategy?

The sixth strategy is focus your listening.

Okay.

And this is about actively directing your attention to specific aspects of the speech or conversation.

Right.

Rather than trying to absorb everything at once.

Yeah.

Like selectively paying attention.

Exactly.

And the first key element of this is listening for main points.

Okay.

So most well -structured speeches or presentations will have two to four main points.

Okay.

That they're trying to get across.

Yeah.

And good speakers will often give you clues to help you identify those main points.

They might preview them in their introduction.

Right.

Or they might use transitional phrases or sign posts.

Okay.

To signal when they're moving from one point to the next.

So for example, in Glenn Gerstle's speech on cybersecurity threats.

Okay.

He very clearly articulated his three main points.

Hmm.

And he used transitions to help the audience follow along.

Okay.

So that's listening for main points.

Right.

What's the second element of focus listening?

The second element is listening for evidence.

Okay.

So main points are basically assertions.

Right.

Or claims.

Yeah.

And they need to be supported by evidence.

Right.

And it's really important to evaluate that evidence.

Yeah.

No matter who the speaker is.

Right.

Because even experts can be wrong.

Right.

Or biased.

Exactly.

Yeah.

So in Gerstle's speech, for example, he used a lot of strong evidence to support his points.

Okay.

He cited statistics on the number of cyber attacks and the economic impact of those attacks.

Yeah.

And he also quoted experts like the chair of the SEC.

Right.

And former Secretary of Defense Leon Panetta.

Uh -huh.

So he really did his homework and he presented a very compelling case.

So when we're evaluating evidence,

what are some of the things that we should be looking for?

So our sources give us four key questions to ask.

Okay.

The first question is, is the evidence accurate?

Okay.

So is it based on reliable sources?

Yeah.

Is it up to date?

Right.

The second question is, is the evidence objective?

Okay.

So is it free from bias?

Right.

Is it coming from a neutral source?

Yeah.

The third question is, is the evidence relevant?

Okay.

So does it actually support the speaker's point?

Yeah.

Or is it just kind of tangentially related?

And then the fourth question is, is the evidence sufficient?

So is there enough of it to actually make a strong case?

Right.

Or is the speaker just relying on one or two isolated examples?

And so in Gerstle's case,

his evidence seems to meet all four of those criteria.

Yeah, it does.

So it's a good reminder to be critical of what we hear.

Absolutely.

And to not just take everything at face value.

Yeah.

Don't just accept what someone says just because they're an expert or because they sound confident.

Right.

Really look at the evidence.

Exactly.

And decide for yourself whether it's convincing.

Okay.

So that's listening for evidence.

Right.

And then the third element of focused listening is listening for technique.

Okay.

And this is more about kind of like analyzing the speaker's style and delivery.

Yeah.

It's about thinking critically about how the speech is crafted.

Right.

And how it's delivered.

And the idea is that by studying effective speakers, we can learn how to be better speakers ourselves.

Absolutely.

So like what are some of the things that we should be paying attention to?

So you can look at how the speaker introduces their topic.

Do they grab your attention right away?

Do they establish their credibility?

Yeah.

Do they give you a clear overview of what they're going to be talking about?

Right.

You can also look at the speaker's organization.

Okay.

Is the speech well organized?

Yes.

Are the main points clear?

Are the transitions smooth?

Right.

You can also look at the speaker's language.

Okay.

Are they using language that's accurate and clear and vivid?

Yeah.

Is it appropriate for the audience?

Right.

And then you can also look at the speaker's delivery.

Okay.

Are they speaking fluently?

Hmm.

Are they making eye contact?

Yeah.

Are they using gestures effectively?

Are they using visual aids?

Okay.

So by analyzing all of these different aspects of a speech,

you can really learn a lot about what makes a speaker effective.

Right.

And then apply those lessons to your own speaking.

Exactly.

Because that was the sixth strategy, folks, as you're listening.

What's the seventh and final strategy?

The seventh strategy is develop note -taking skills.

So good note -taking can really help you to concentrate better and remember information more effectively.

Yeah.

It forces you to engage with the material.

It does.

Yeah.

And it also helps you to keep track of the speaker's ideas.

Right.

And a lot of instructors actually value note -taking as a sign that students are paying attention and understanding the material.

Yeah.

It shows that you're engaged.

Exactly.

But the problem is that a lot of people have really inefficient note -taking habits.

Yeah.

That actually make it harder to listen and learn.

Right.

So, like, what are some of those bad habits?

So one common bad habit is trying to write down everything the speaker says.

Oh, yeah.

I used to do that.

Yeah.

We've all been there.

Yeah.

But it's just not possible to do that.

Right.

You end up falling behind and missing important points.

Exactly.

Yeah.

And then another bad habit is just writing down random tidbits that sound interesting.

Okay.

But without any kind of structure or organization.

Right.

So you end up with this, like, jumbled mess of notes.

Exactly.

It doesn't really make any sense.

Yeah.

And then when you go back to study, you're like, what was I even thinking?

Right.

Exactly.

So what's a better way to take notes?

So our sources recommend the keyword outline method.

Okay.

And this is a really effective way to capture the main points in the supporting evidence without getting bogged down in too much detail.

And how does that work?

So basically, you just listen for the speaker's main points, and then you jot down a few key words or phrases that capture the essence of each point.

Okay.

And then you can also do the same thing for the supporting evidence.

For example, if the speaker is talking about the decline in the global shark population,

you might write down shark decline as your main point.

Okay.

And then underneath that, you might write down some of the key statistics that the speaker cites, like the percentage of shark populations that have declined in the past 50 years or the number of sharks that are killed each year.

And then you could also create sub points underneath that to capture the main causes of the decline.

It's like overfishing, habitat destruction, and climate change.

So the key is to keep your notes brief and to the point.

Right.

And to use a format that shows the relationship between the different ideas.

Okay.

And that'll make it much easier for you to review your notes later and remember the information.

Right.

And our sources conclude by saying that careful listening and effective note taking are really vital for academic success.

Yeah.

And they can also be really beneficial in a lot of other areas of life as well.

Absolutely.

So they're skills that are definitely worth developing.

They are.

So just to kind of recap everything we've talked about today.

Okay.

Listening is a crucial skill, but it's also a skill that a lot of people struggle with.

Yeah.

And we talked about four main reasons why people are often poor listeners.

Right.

Not concentrating listening too hard.

Jumping to conclusions and focusing on delivery and personal appearance.

And then we talked about seven strategies that you can use to become a better listener.

Taking listening seriously.

Being an active listener, resisting distractions, not being diverted by appearance or delivery suspending judgment,

focusing your listening and developing note taking skills.

And you know, the key is to really make a conscious effort to practice these strategies and to be patient with yourself because it takes time to develop good listening habits.

Absolutely.

So now that you've heard all of this, I have a question for you to think about.

Okay.

What is one specific listening habit that you will consciously commit to improving this week?

And how might that focused effort positively impact your interactions and understanding in your daily life?

Thanks for joining us for this deep dive into the art of listening.

Yeah, thanks for listening.

It's been a pleasure.

Yeah, it has.