Chapter 19: Emerging Adulthood: Psychosocial Development

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All right, so we're gonna be looking at emerging adulthood.

Oh yeah.

That period between 18 and 25.

Yeah, yeah, that's a big one.

It is a big one and we're really diving deep into how young people are forging their identities, their relationships, their careers.

Yeah, and all of that in the 21st century.

Yes.

Things have changed a lot, even in the last 10 years.

Oh, absolutely.

We've got all this research here, a big stack of it.

And...

I know it's fascinating.

I know it's amazing, these studies and the stories of real people.

Absolutely.

So let's just jump right in.

Okay.

One of the things that I thought was really interesting was that the idea of settling down,

it's not what it used to be.

No, it's definitely changed, hasn't it?

It's not like you finish school and you get a job in a house with a white picket fence.

Right.

And you know.

You get married.

You get married, yeah, it's not like that anymore.

No, and the researchers are calling this a moratorium.

A moratorium.

Yeah, like a pause.

Okay, so what does that mean?

So it's like this period of exploration before you commit to like the big things in life.

So, you know, college or travel or military service or just like trying out different jobs.

It's like emerging adults are taking their time to figure things out, you know, before they settle into those traditional roles.

That's interesting, and it makes sense because my daughter...

Oh, really?

Kind of took a path like that.

Yeah.

You know, when she was in high school, she really wasn't the most focused student.

Okay.

You know, and we tried everything to get her to like buckle down.

We even hid the TV for a while.

Oh, wow.

But she always found a way around it.

She sounds very determined.

Oh, yeah, and her English teacher, he kept saying, oh, you know, she'll settle down.

I've seen it all before.

Right.

But it didn't quite go as planned.

Oh, so what happened?

Well, she went to a small college.

No.

Then she transferred.

Wow.

And then she joined the crew team.

And suddenly economics was her major.

Economics.

Yeah, no one in our family is into economics.

So that was a surprise.

Total curve ball.

Yeah.

And then, you know, she even studied abroad in Spain.

Oh, wow.

Graduated with honors.

Sounds very accomplished.

But even then, you know, she kept exploring.

So even after college.

Yeah, different cities, different jobs.

Okay.

Even had some, you know, stretches of unemployment.

Right.

It wasn't always easy.

Yeah.

And, you know, we definitely worried.

I bet.

But it sounds like she was using that time.

Yeah.

To really figure out who she was.

Exactly.

And what she wanted.

Right.

And you know what?

After she turned 25, it was like a switch flipped.

Oh, wow.

Spable job.

Yeah.

One apartment.

Okay.

And she's back to being the loving and supportive daughter we know and love.

That's a great story.

It is.

And it's a perfect illustration of how this moratorium can really play out.

It's not about just being aimless.

Right.

It's about actively seeking out these experiences to solidify their identity.

Okay.

And you know, identity is multifaceted.

Absolutely.

Right, it's not just one thing.

And one aspect that I thought was really interesting in the research was ethnic identity.

Oh yeah.

Especially in a diverse society like ours.

Absolutely right.

Like how does that play out?

There's a fascinating study out of San Diego.

They tracked individuals from age 14 to 37.

Wow, that's a long time.

It is a long time.

Great.

And they asked them about their ethnic identity throughout.

Wow, and what did they find?

The results were really surprising.

Okay, I'm ready to be surprised.

Okay, so very few people actually chose those broad labels.

Okay.

Like, you know, Asian or Latino.

Okay.

Instead, they use more specific terms.

Okay.

Like Cambodian or Mexican.

Right.

Especially when they were younger.

Okay.

But as they got older, things shifted.

How so?

Well, many of them, particularly those who were perceived as white.

Okay.

They start to emphasize their American identity, even hyphenating it with their heritage.

It's like they were saying, I'm American, but I'm also proud of my Cambodian roots.

Right, they wanted to own both parts.

Yeah, exactly.

Okay.

But on the other hand, those who were perceived as black, they often felt pressure to identify solely as black due to, you know, societal expectations.

Right.

It really highlights how those external forces can shape how we see ourselves.

Absolutely, and that makes me think about the experiences of dreamers.

Right.

You know, those unauthorized immigrants brought here as children.

Right.

And how their situation adds, like, this whole other layer to their ethnic and political identity.

Like, how do you even navigate that?

Yeah, their journey is so complex.

Right.

You know, they're striving to become American citizens.

Yeah.

But they face all these legal barriers.

Yeah.

And many of them have embraced the dreamer label as a way to empower themselves and advocate for change.

Yeah, it's about claiming agency when the system's trying to silence them.

Right.

Yeah, and then you have international adoptees who are navigating this whole other unique set of challenges.

Oh, absolutely.

Like, they're growing up in a culture that's different.

Yeah.

From their birth parents.

But they're also grappling with their adopted identity.

Right.

It's like piecing together this puzzle.

With pieces from different worlds.

That's a great way to put it.

It's amazing how emerging adults are forging these, like, complex identities.

Right.

While also trying to figure out what they want to do with their lives.

Yeah, talk about a lot on your plate.

Oh my gosh.

And that brings us to vocational identity.

Okay.

You know, that age -old question.

Right.

What do I want to be when I grow up?

What do you want to be when you grow up?

Right?

It's even more complicated now for young adults.

Because the job market has changed so drastically.

It really has.

Yeah, it's not just about climbing that traditional career ladder anymore.

Nope, not at all.

Right.

You've got the gig economy, rapid technological advancements.

Right.

And then there's this mismatch between what young adults want from work.

Okay.

And what older generations expect.

Yeah.

It all creates this real sense of uncertainty.

It does, and then there's also this added pressure for emerging adults to find work that aligns with their values and passions.

Right.

It's not just about a paycheck anymore.

No.

It's about finding a career that feels meaningful.

Right.

And reflects who they are.

And one study concluded that career choices inevitably force individuals to confront the meaning.

Wow.

That they want their lives to have.

That is deep.

Right.

Okay, so how are they navigating this complex landscape?

Well, they're hopping between jobs, exploring different gigs, trying on different hats to see what fits.

It's all part of this extended moratorium that we were talking about.

They're creating their own individualized career paths, piecing together experiences and skills to craft this fulfilling work life.

But all this exploration, it's not just about external factors, like jobs and relationships.

Okay, so then what is it about?

It has a profound impact on their personality development, too.

So they're not just figuring out what they wanna be, but who they wanna be.

Exactly, yeah.

It's like emerging adulthood is this crucible for personality development.

It's this time when those negative traits from adolescence, like self -doubt, impulsivity, they tend to lessen.

Okay, so they grow out of it a bit.

Yeah, and the positive traits, like conscientiousness,

agreeableness, they become more prominent.

Oh, so they're literally becoming more well -rounded.

That's what the research suggests.

One large study found that young adults across cultures, they tend to become more agreeable, more conscientious, and less neurotic as they navigate this period.

So it sounds like those big transitions, going to college, starting a job, moving out, those are actually good for them.

They can be, especially moving away for college, which often forces them to develop independence, problem -solving skills.

And that makes me think of all the talk about helicopter parents, and how they're hindering their kids' independence.

Yeah, is that really the case?

Yeah, what's the real story there?

Well, it's more nuanced than just hovering or not hovering.

The research actually shows that parental financial help, even after college, can actually lead to less stress and greater independence.

Wow, so maybe those helicopter parents aren't so bad after all.

You know, it's all about finding the right balance.

Okay.

You know, supportive parents who provide a safety net without stifling their children's growth.

Right, can actually help them launch into adulthood

more successfully.

So it's like providing that secure base for them to explore from.

Exactly, like a launching pad almost.

Right, and wasn't there that quote from the study where the mom said that she always sends her son back to college with food and a little bit of money because she feels like she's still providing for him?

Exactly, that's the essence of linked lives.

Linked lives.

Yeah, this idea that family members' experiences are intertwined.

You know what happens to one affects the others, especially during emerging adulthood, but it's a two -way street.

So it's not just the parents influencing the emerging adult?

No.

The emerging adult is also impacting their family?

Absolutely.

Okay.

You know, their choices and their experiences have a ripple effect on their parents, their siblings, even extended family.

Wow.

It's this dynamic system.

Right, of mutual influence.

Okay, and speaking of support systems.

Oh yeah.

Let's not forget about friends.

Right.

They're like the family you choose, right?

They are.

Yeah.

And they play a crucial role during emerging adulthood.

Yeah.

You know, friends offer companionship, that sounding board and that sense of belonging.

Right.

They validate experiences.

Okay.

And they help make sense of all the ups and downs of this phase.

And didn't I read that emerging adults

tend to have more friends than people at any other age?

That's true.

Really?

You know, they're constantly expanding their social circles and social media lets them stay connected with friends from different parts of their lives.

Yeah.

It's a time for quantity and quality.

Yeah, you get both.

Right.

But that doesn't mean that they're immune to loneliness.

No, not at all.

You know, there's a lot of talk about a loneliness epidemic.

Right.

Especially among young adults.

It's a paradox, isn't it?

You know, they're surrounded by people,

but they can still feel isolated and alone.

Right.

It goes back to Erickson's theory of intimacy versus isolation.

Right.

Building genuine intimacy requires vulnerability,

compromise,

and a willingness to let go of some of that self -protection that we hold onto so tightly.

So it's about taking the risk to connect deeply.

Yeah.

Even if it means, you know, being hurt.

Exactly.

And that can be scary.

Yeah.

Especially when you're still figuring out who you are.

Right.

But the rewards are huge.

Yeah.

And it's not just about romantic relationships, right?

No, not at all.

Close friendships can provide that deep connection too.

Absolutely.

Yeah.

And while men and women crave intimacy,

their friendship styles often differ.

Oh really, how so?

Well, men tend to bond.

Okay.

Over shared activities.

Okay.

And offer practical advice.

Okay, so like fixing your car kind of thing.

Yeah, exactly.

While women are more likely to engage in emotional sharing.

Okay.

Provide a listening ear.

So it's like that classic stereotype.

Yeah.

Men are from Mars, women are from Venus.

There's some truth to it.

Yeah.

But, you know, we are seeing those lines blur.

Right.

More and more as gender roles evolve.

Absolutely, and male -female friendships are becoming more common, which is a good thing.

It is, it challenges those traditional notions of how men and women should interact.

Right.

One study found that.

Okay.

You know,

for both heterosexual and sexual minority adults,

it's not just the number of friends,

but the quality of those friendships.

That really matters for life satisfaction.

So having those few close confidants.

Yeah.

Is more valuable than having a ton of casual acquaintances.

It seems so.

Right.

But, regardless of gender or orientation, a strong network of friends.

Yeah.

Is a major asset.

Okay.

During emerging adulthood.

Okay.

It provides that essential support.

Right.

As they navigate.

The often choppy waters.

Oh yeah.

Of love.

Right.

Work and identity.

And speaking of love.

Oh, here we go.

Let's dive into the world of romantic relationships.

Okay.

Because, let's face it, love is a big part.

It is.

Of the emerging adulthood experience.

It's a universal human experience.

It is.

But the way it plays out, the expectations, the anxieties, the cultural norms, that's where things get really interesting.

Especially in the 21st century.

Yeah.

When you know everything.

Right.

From how we meet partners.

Yeah.

To what even constitutes a successful relationship is being redefined.

Exactly.

We're seeing a shift away from those traditional models of courtship and marriage.

Right.

Towards more fluid individualized paths.

Okay.

But before we delve into that.

Yeah.

Let's talk about the different dimensions of love.

It's not just one simple emotion.

No, it's complicated.

So we have to break down Sternberg's triangle.

Oh, yeah.

Of love.

The classic.

Yeah, passion, intimacy, and commitment.

Right, you got it.

Okay, so passion.

Passion is that initial spark of attraction.

That infatuation.

It's fueled by this cocktail of hormones that makes you feel like you're walking on air.

Like you're floating.

Exactly.

Yeah.

It's that can't eat, can't sleep, constantly thinking about them kind of love.

Yes, exactly.

But then you have intimacy.

Okay.

Which is about building a deeper connection, sharing secrets, letting someone see the real flaws in all.

Yeah, warts and all.

Exactly.

It's about going beyond the surface.

Right.

To develop that trust and understanding.

Okay.

And then there's commitment.

Right.

You know, the decision to stay together.

Yeah.

Through thick and thin.

There are good times and bad.

Right, it's the glue.

That holds the relationship together.

Okay, over time.

Right, so we've got these three elements.

And how they combine.

Yes.

Creates seven different forms of love.

Seven, that's right.

Seven.

Okay, I am intrigued.

Tell me more.

Okay, so you have liking.

Oh.

Which is high on intimacy, but low on passion and commitment.

Okay.

And then there's infatuation.

Okay.

Which is all passion.

Right.

No intimacy, no commitment.

Those are those whirlwind romances.

That burn bright and fizzle out fast.

Right.

Then there's empty love.

Okay.

Which is commitment.

Okay.

But without passion or intimacy.

Like an arranged marriage.

Right.

Where maybe the couple feels obligated to stay together.

Okay.

Even if there's no spark.

Gotcha.

So those are the three that are just one element.

Right.

What about like the ones that combine two of them?

Okay, so romantic love.

Okay.

Is passion and intimacy.

Okay.

But no commitment.

Okay.

Think Romeo and Juliet.

Ah, very romantic.

Right.

Okay.

Then there's fatuous love.

Fatuous love.

Passion and commitment.

Okay.

But no intimacy.

Oh, so maybe they rush into things.

Yeah, like a couple that rushes into marriage.

Okay.

Based on intense feelings.

Yeah.

That doesn't really know each other.

Yeah.

And then there's companionate love.

So?

Which is intimacy and commitment.

Mm.

But the passion has faded.

Right.

A long married couple.

Right.

Who are best friends.

Yeah.

Deeply devoted.

Right.

But don't have that same fiery passion.

Right.

That they once did.

Okay, so that's all six.

And then the final one.

The final one is consummate love.

Consummate love.

The holy grail.

The holy grail of relationships.

That's right.

And that is the magical combination.

Yeah.

Of all three.

All three.

Passion, intimacy, and commitment.

Okay, so the one that everyone wants.

Right.

But is so hard to achieve.

Especially.

Especially during emerging adulthood.

Yeah, because developmentally,

emerging adults are still solidifying their own identity.

Right.

You know, it can be tough to fully commit to another person when you're still in flux yourself.

Absolutely.

And plus, the very definition of commitment.

Right.

Is changing.

It is.

So what do you mean?

Marriage isn't the only path to a committed relationship anymore.

Right.

We're seeing this rise.

Okay.

In alternative relationship models.

Okay.

Like cohabitation, long -term partnerships without marriage.

And then of course, there's the whole phenomenon of hookup culture.

Hookup culture.

Yeah.

We can't talk about emerging adults.

Right.

Without talking about that.

Exactly.

So how is that reshaping the romantic landscape?

It's reshaping the romantic landscape.

Okay.

Especially on college campuses.

Right.

Where casual sexual encounters without that expectation of intimacy or commitment.

Right, so no strings attached.

Exactly.

They're becoming increasingly common.

That's like the new normal.

It's often portrayed that way.

But it's important to remember that not everyone is hooking up.

Right.

And those who do have a variety of motivations and anxiety surrounding them.

Right, there are concerns about consent.

Absolutely.

And safety.

Yeah.

And the emotional complexities of navigating

casual sex.

It's not as simple as it's sometimes made out to be.

It's easy to forget that.

Yeah.

There's a whole spectrum of experiences.

Absolutely.

And attitudes.

Right.

Within hookup culture.

It's not a monolithic thing.

It's important to avoid making generalizations or judgments about people's choices.

And speaking of choices,

the way emerging adults meet potential partners.

Right.

Has changed dramatically.

Oh yeah.

With the rise of online dating.

It's revolutionized the dating landscape.

It has, hasn't it?

Yeah, apps and websites have made it easier than ever.

Right.

To connect with people who share your interests and your values.

Yeah, it's like having this global matchmaking service.

Right, at your fingertips.

At your fingertips.

Yeah.

But I imagine it also comes with its own set of challenges.

Oh, definitely.

What are some of those?

Well, you've got the potential for scams.

Right.

Catfishing.

Yeah.

The pressure to present this perfect curated version of yourself online.

Yeah, you have to like create your best selves.

Right.

And then there's the issue of choice overload.

Wow.

When you're bombarded with endless potential matches it's gonna be hard to commit to one person.

Like what if there's someone better out there?

Exactly, lurking in the back of your mind.

Totally.

Right.

And that could lead to a lot of superficial swiping

and just a sense of dissatisfaction.

Right.

Even when you do find someone you connect with.

It's like you're always looking for the next best thing.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So it sounds like online dating is a double edged sword.

It is.

Yeah, it opens up possibilities.

But also creates new anxieties and pressures.

Right, it's a complex landscape.

It is.

But despite all the changes and challenges,

the desire for a committed relationship hasn't gone away.

Okay.

And that brings us to cohabitation.

Cohabitation.

Living together without being married.

Right.

It's becoming increasingly common.

Yeah.

Especially among emerging adults.

So is it like a stepping stone to marriage?

Uh -huh.

Or a replacement for marriage?

Right.

Or something else entirely?

That's the million dollar question.

Yeah.

And the research offers mixed answers.

Okay.

Some studies suggest that cohabiting before marriage is associated with higher rates of divorce.

Really, why is that?

Well, there are a few theories.

Okay.

One suggests that couples who cohabit might be less committed to the relationship from the outset.

Okay.

You know, they might be seeing it as a temporary arrangement or a way to avoid the complexities of marriage.

Another theory is that cohabiting can create inertia.

Inertia.

So like you're just stuck.

Yeah.

Making it harder to break up.

Okay.

Even if the relationship isn't working.

So you might feel stuck.

Exactly.

Even if you're not happy.

Yeah.

And then there are the financial and logistical entanglements.

Right.

Of sharing a life.

Yeah.

You've got like shared bills and all of that.

Right.

Yeah.

Which can make separating more difficult.

Right.

And let's not forget the social pressure.

Oh yeah.

From family and friends.

Right.

Who, you know, might expect you to get married if you've been living together for a while.

Absolutely.

So cohabiting can be this complicated decision.

Right.

With potential benefits and risks.

So it really boils down to, you know, the individual couple.

Right, yeah.

And their motivations.

Exactly, yeah.

If you're using cohabitation as a way to avoid commitment.

Okay.

Or to test the waters

without fully investing in the relationship.

It might not be the best foundation.

Right.

For a lasting marriage.

Okay.

But if you're doing it because you're deeply committed.

Right.

And you see it as a step towards marriage, it can be a positive experience.

So it sounds like open and honest communication is key.

Absolutely.

Yeah, no matter what path you choose.

Couples need to be on the same page.

Right.

About their expectations, their boundaries, and their long -term goals.

Now before we wrap up this part.

Okay.

Of our deep dive.

There's a less talked about aspect.

Okay.

Of emerging adulthood.

Yeah.

That I think is important to address.

Okay, what's that?

The fact that for many,

it's a time of significant financial instability.

Oh, that's a critical point.

It is.

The transition to financial independence is rarely smooth.

No.

Especially in today's economy.

You've got student loan debt,

a competitive job market.

Right.

The ever -increasing cost of living, it's a perfect storm.

It is.

Of financial stress.

It's a lot to juggle.

It is.

It's no surprise that many emerging adults are struggling to make ends meet.

And this financial instability can have this ripple effect.

Yeah.

On other areas of their lives.

Absolutely.

Right, it can delay major milestones.

Yeah.

Like getting married, buying a home.

Yeah.

It can impact mental health and wellbeing.

Right, you know, that financial stress.

Yeah.

Can seep into relationships.

Yeah, causing tension and conflict.

It can lead to feelings of inadequacy,

shame, anxiety.

It's a lot.

It is a lot.

So what can be done to help emerging adults navigate these financial challenges?

Well, what advice would you give based on the research?

I think financial literacy education is huge.

Okay.

You know, teaching young people about budgeting,

saving, investing, and managing debt.

Right.

You know, giving them the tools they need.

Yeah.

To make smart financial decisions.

It's like giving them that financial roadmap.

Yeah.

To navigate this tricky terrain.

Exactly.

And we can't forget about access to affordable housing and healthcare.

Absolutely, those are basic needs.

They are.

And they shouldn't be luxuries.

Right.

But they are for a lot of people.

They are.

Yeah.

Especially for emerging adults.

Right.

You know, when you're struggling to make ends meet,

those basic needs can feel out of reach.

Absolutely.

And then there's the mental health piece.

Oh, that's so important.

It is.

You know, emerging adults need to know it's okay to struggle.

Yeah.

And to ask for help if they're feeling overwhelmed by these financial pressures.

And there are resources available.

There are.

Right, therapists, support groups,

financial counseling services that can provide guidance and support.

Absolutely.

And let's not underestimate the power of social support.

Your friends, your family mentors.

Exactly.

They can provide, you know, emotional.

Yeah.

Practical.

Even financial support when things get tough.

It really does take a village.

It does.

We're not meant to go through these challenges alone.

But you might.

So, you know, while emerging adulthood can be a time of financial instability,

it's also a time to build resilience.

Okay.

Develop those financial literacy skills.

Right.

And cultivate a support network.

Yeah.

That can help weather those storms.

And remember, setbacks are a part of life.

They are.

Yeah, it's how we learn and grow from them.

Right.

That matters.

Now, before we wrap up.

Okay.

Our deep dive into emerging adulthood, I want to circle back to the idea of identity.

Okay.

We've talked about ethnic identity, vocational identity, even political identity.

Yeah.

But what about personal identity?

You know, that sense of self.

Right.

That goes beyond those external labels and roles.

Yeah, that core of who we are.

Exactly.

Yeah.

You know, the sum of our values, beliefs, experiences.

Our aspirations.

And it's constantly evolving.

Especially during emerging adulthood.

Yeah, it's a time of exploration.

Yeah.

Experimentation, trying on different identities.

Right, seeing what fits.

And it's not always a linear process.

Definitely not.

You know, there can be a lot of back and forth.

Starts and stops.

As they figure out, you know, who they are and where they belong.

And I imagine social media plays a big role in all of this.

Oh, it's huge.

Yeah.

You know, social media provides this platform.

Okay.

For self -expression.

Connecting with like -minded people.

Yeah.

And trying on different versions of themselves.

Right.

But it can also be a source of pressure.

Oh, absolutely.

And comparison.

It's easy to get caught up.

Right.

In that curated perfection of online profiles.

And feel like you're not measuring up.

Exactly.

So how can emerging adults develop a strong and healthy sense of personal identity in this digital age?

What can they do?

Well, it takes a combination of things.

Supportive relationships.

Right.

Opportunities for self -discovery.

Okay.

And a willingness to embrace vulnerability.

Okay.

And imperfection.

So what's about accepting yourself?

Yeah.

Flaws and all.

Forts and all.

And recognizing that you're worthy of love.

Yes.

And belonging.

Regardless of what anyone else thinks or posts online.

Exactly.

And it's important to remember that your identity is not fixed.

Okay.

It's a journey, not a destination.

And it's a journey that continues.

Absolutely.

And they're alive.

We're always growing, changing, evolving.

So let's embrace the messiness.

Yes.

The uncertainty and the possibilities of this journey.

Because it's in those moments of exploration and discovery that we truly come alive.

You know, there's a quote from our research that really stuck with me.

Okay.

It says, if they postpone marriage,

prevent parenthood, and avoid a set career until their identity is firmly established and their education is complete, they may be ready and eager for all the commitments and responsibilities

of adulthood.

That's powerful.

It is, it highlights the importance

of allowing emerging adults, the space and time to figure things out on their own terms.

On their own terms.

There's no one size fits all timeline for adulthood.

It's about giving yourself permission to explore, to make mistakes

and find your own unique path.

And trusting that that journey, however messy or unconventional will lead you to where you're meant to be.

I love that.

Yeah.

So maybe it's not about settling down, but about settling into yourself.

I think you've hit the nail on the head.

And your own version of adulthood.

Yes.

On that note.

Okay.

We'll wrap up this deep dive into emerging adulthood.

Yeah.

We hope you gain some new insights

into this fascinating and ever evolving stage of life.

Right.

We encourage you to continue exploring these ideas.

Yeah.

And consider how they apply to your own experiences.

Right.

Or those of the emerging adults in your life.

Right.

Thanks for joining us.