Chapter 7: Personality Stability, Development, and Change

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All right, so we're diving deep into something I think a lot of us wonder about.

Does personality actually change over time?

And we've got the personality puzzle to help us figure that out.

It's like a cheat sheet to decades of research, but way more fun than a textbook.

Definitely more fun than a textbook.

So where do we even begin with this?

Oh, the thing is there's this really cool kind of push and pull between how much we stay the same versus how much we change.

Like you're still fundamentally you throughout your life, right?

But it's how that you -ness comes out that can really change.

Exactly.

Like remember that kid in school who was always the center of attention?

Turns out those tendencies can actually stick around even as we grow up.

Yeah, it's called a rank order consistency.

And it's one of the first things that surprised me when I started studying this stuff.

Rank order consistency.

Yeah, so it's not that your scores on, let's say a personality test would be identical over decades.

It's that compared to other people your age, you tend to stay in roughly the same position.

So like if we all took a personality test in high school, and then we took it again 10 years later.

Exactly.

Our individual scores might change.

But like if I was more extroverted than you back then,

chances are I'd still be more extroverted than you 10 years later.

You got it.

Okay, I get it.

But how do we know that's really true?

I mean, are we just relying on people's memories from way back when?

No, actually there are these long -term studies where they follow the same people for years, sometimes even decades.

No way.

And they track their personality traits the whole time.

And what do they find?

Well, there was this one study that found a connection between how adaptable kids were in elementary school and how they behaved in job interviews 40 years later.

40 years later, that's wild.

So this isn't just about being shy or outgoing.

No.

It goes deeper than that, right?

It does.

There are links between early personality and all sorts of big life outcomes.

Like what?

Well, finding a romantic partner, how successful you are at work, even how you deal with stress.

So are we saying it's like destiny then?

Not necessarily, but it does make you think about the things that make us who we are.

Right, like why are some of these traits so stable?

Well, it's a mix of nature and nurture.

Of course.

But even in babies, you see these inborn tendencies.

It's called temperament.

And it's partly genetic, so some of those early emotional and behavioral patterns just kind of stick around.

So like a really shy kid might grow up to be a shy adult.

Exactly, it's called heterotypic continuity.

Heterotypic continuity.

It just means the same underlying tendency can show up in different ways at different ages.

So a shy kid hides behind their parents and a shy adult avoids small talk.

Exactly, same root cause, different expression.

Got it.

So it's not just about being shy or outgoing, right?

Right, it applies to lots of traits.

Okay, but how does environment fit into all of this?

Well, think about it.

All those things around you shape your experiences.

Okay.

Like your physical traits, your gender, where you grew up, even your birth order.

Hold on, birth order affecting personality.

Really?

Well, some people think so.

Okay.

It's been debated for a long time.

Yeah, I've heard of that, but always been kind of skeptical.

Yeah, the research is mixed, but some studies say first -borns tend to be more conscientious.

Huh, maybe there's something to that whole oldest child is responsible thing.

Maybe so, but what about other environmental factors, like say growing up in poverty?

Yeah, that's gotta have a huge impact.

It does, sadly, and not just on opportunities, but on how people see themselves in the world.

Right, it shapes who they become.

Exactly, and here's where it gets really interesting.

Okay.

It's not just a one -way street.

Our personalities and our environments are in constant conversation.

What do you mean?

Well, we gravitate towards environments that match our personalities.

Okay.

But then those environments further shape who we are.

So it's like a feedback loop.

Exactly.

So like an introvert might love spending time at the library.

Right, right.

Which then makes them even more introverted.

Exactly, and an extrovert might thrive at a concert or party.

Which just amplifies an extroversion.

Precisely, researchers call this person environment transactions.

Person environment transactions.

It's this constant interplay between who we are and where we are.

Fascinating, so it's not just that we choose certain environments.

Right.

We actually shape those environments too.

Exactly.

Like if you've got a really conscientious person on a group project.

Yeah.

They're probably gonna keep everyone on track and organized.

Makes sense.

Whereas someone less conscientious might procrastinate or distract the group.

Right, so each person is kind of creating the environment that reinforces their personality.

It's like a self -fulfilling process.

In a way, yes.

But all of this doesn't mean personality is set in stone.

Okay, so there's still room for change.

There's this principle of cumulative continuity.

Cumulative continuity.

Which basically means personality gets more consistent as you age.

Okay.

But it also keeps developing.

Wait, so it's both more consistent and developing?

Yeah, it sounds contradictory, but think of it like building on a foundation.

Right.

As you get older,

your personality gets more defined.

Okay.

But you also get better at handling life, which adds new layers to it.

Okay, so it's like our core self is solidifying.

Mm -hmm.

But we're also adding new layers to it as we go through life.

Exactly.

But what about those big personality shifts people talk about?

Yeah.

Like someone who used to be shy suddenly becoming super outgoing.

Right, those aren't just myths.

Really?

Yep.

Even though individual differences tend to stay consistent.

Okay.

There are also these average shifts in traits that happen as we age.

Interesting, so it's like cultural trends everyone's affected to some extent.

Exactly, a good example is conscientiousness.

Research shows it tends to go up as we get older.

Makes sense.

We're hopefully learning from our mistakes, becoming more responsible.

Right.

And maybe chilling out a bit more.

Yeah, adulting has a way of doing that.

Totally, but how do we know that's natural development and not just the times we live in?

That's a great question, and it's where things get even more complicated.

We can't ignore cohort effects.

Cohort effects?

Meaning the era you're born in definitely influences your personality.

So like someone who grew up during a war.

Yeah.

Might have a different outlook on life than someone who grew up in a time of peace and prosperity.

Exactly, and technology changing social norms, economic depressions, all those things leave their mark.

So how do researchers even study personality development across the lifespan with all these variables?

Well, it's a challenge for sure, but there are a couple of main approaches.

Okay.

One is cross -sexual studies, where you survey people of different ages at the same time.

Okay.

So you get a snapshot of how traits vary across age groups.

But wouldn't that risk confusing cohort effects with actual developmental changes?

You're exactly right.

It's like comparing apples to oranges.

Right.

Which is why longitudinal studies are the gold standard.

Longitudinal studies.

Yeah, that's where you follow the same people for years, even decades.

So it's more.

Definitely, but you get a much clearer picture of how individuals evolved over time.

Okay, so what have these long -term studies shown us?

Well, they back up a lot of what we see in those smart shot studies.

Okay.

On average, people tend to become more socially dominant, more agreeable, more conscientious, and emotionally more stable as they age.

So it's not just my imagination that my grandparents seem calmer and more agreeable than my teenage siblings.

Nope, there's a lot of evidence to support that trend.

Okay.

Sometimes it's called the maturity principle.

The maturity principle.

Basically, the traits you need to function well as an adult tend to increase with age.

Okay.

But there's a little twist to this.

Some of those mature traits might decline in very late old age.

Wait, seriously.

So we revert back to our teenage selves once we hit a certain age?

Not quite, but think about it.

In late old age, career ambitions, social pressures, even the need to please others.

Yeah.

Those things might become less important.

Okay.

Some people prioritize close bonds and emotional well -being over those go -getter traits.

So it's like they've earned the right to chill out a bit.

Exactly, but remember, these are just averages.

Individual differences are huge and they persist throughout life.

So some people stay pretty stable while others change a lot.

Exactly, but even those changes usually come from the experiences and choices we make along the way.

Which brings us to the big question.

Yeah.

Can we intentionally change our personalities?

Oh, that's the heart of the matter, isn't it?

It is.

And the answer is yes.

Really?

We can actually change who we are.

Yes, but with a big asterisk.

Of course there's an asterisk.

Nothing in personality is ever simple.

You got that right.

So if we can change, why don't we all just become the best possible versions of ourselves?

Well, for one thing, most people just aren't looking for a complete overhaul.

What do you mean?

Well, they might wanna tweak a few things.

Okay.

But deep down, they're pretty comfortable with who they are.

Yeah, I get that.

Like I complain about my procrastination, but I kinda like the adrenaline rush of working under pressure.

Exactly, and this resistance to change can be even stronger in people who might actually benefit from it the most.

Like who?

Well, people with narcissistic tendencies, for example.

Okay.

They often can't see their own flaws.

So they don't even see the need to change.

Right.

Wow.

And then there's the whole human tendency to blame outside factors for our problem.

Uh -oh, it's not me, it's the world.

Exactly, it's easier to blame a bad boss or a difficult partner than to admit our own personality might be contributing to the situation.

So it's like we're blind to our own blind spots.

In a way, yes, and on top of all that, we humans crave consistency and predictability.

Right.

But change, by its very nature, is disruptive.

It's like that quote, the only constant is change.

Yeah.

Inspiring and terrifying at the same time.

Exactly, but here's the good news.

Okay.

Even with all those obstacles, intentional change is possible.

So how do we do it?

Well, there's a whole model for it.

Lay it on me.

Is there a magic potion?

I wish, but no, the first step is actually pretty simple.

You have to genuinely want to change.

So it can't be something someone else is pushing on you.

Exactly, it has to come from within, and just as important, we have to believe change is actually possible.

Right, if you go in thinking, this is just how I am?

Yeah.

You're setting yourself up for failure.

Exactly, it's like that whole growth mindset idea.

Believing we can evolve and learn.

Exactly.

Okay, so we have to want it and believe it's possible.

Right.

But then what, how do we actually make it happen?

Well, this is where it gets interesting.

The model suggests we need to change our behaviors first.

So like, fake it till you make it.

It's a bit more nuanced than that.

It's about consciously choosing to act differently, even when it feels awkward or unfamiliar.

So instead of waiting for our personality to change, we start acting like the person we want to become.

Exactly, you're essentially teaching your personality new tricks.

By changing your actions first.

Right.

Okay, I'm intrigued.

Can you give me an example?

Like, let's say I want to be more assertive.

Sure.

Where do I start?

Well, instead of waiting to feel confident, you start small, maybe you speak up more in meetings.

Okay.

Or voice your opinion to a friend or set a boundary with a colleague.

And each time I do that.

You're reinforcing that new behavior pattern.

So it's like building a muscle.

Exactly, the more you use it, the stronger it gets.

I like that analogy.

But this whole changing your behavior to change your personality thing?

Yeah.

It's kind of mind blowing.

It is a bit of a paradigm shift.

It's like we're rewiring our brains from the outside in.

In a way, yes.

But the research suggests it can work.

That's amazing.

And it's not just about those big dramatic changes either, right?

Right, even small tweaks to your daily routine can have an effect.

Okay, like I'm all about those low effort, high impact changes.

Well, for starters, exercise.

Exercise.

Yeah, people who are physically active tend to be more emotionally stable.

Okay.

More conscientious and even more open to new experiences.

So that New Year's resolution to hit the gym might actually lead to a whole new me.

It's certainly a step in the right direction.

And here's another one that might surprise you traveling.

Traveling.

How does that change your personality?

Well, studies have linked it to increases in openness and agreeableness.

Really?

Yeah, and decreases in neuroticism.

So booking that trip to Bali might actually make me a more chill and agreeable person.

It's possible.

Sign me up.

But it's not just about the destination, right?

No, it's about the mind that you bring to the experience.

Okay.

It's about embracing new cultures, challenging your assumptions, pushing yourself outside of your comfort zone.

So it's the growth that comes from those experiences that shapes us.

Exactly, and those experiences can have a ripple effect long after you return home.

I love that, but what about the opposite?

What do you mean?

Like, what about those tough times in life?

Oh.

Could those change us too?

Sadly, yes, studies have shown that job loss, chronic illness, or other major setbacks can lead to increases in neuroticism.

Which makes sense, I guess those experiences can really shake your sense of stability.

Exactly, and it can make you more anxious and reactive.

So it's like life throws us curve balls.

And those curve balls can knock us off balance.

Sometimes.

But doesn't that contradict the idea that we can intentionally change our personalities?

Not necessarily, it just highlights that we're constantly interacting with our environment and those interactions shape who we are.

So it's not about avoiding hardship altogether

because that's impossible.

It's about how we choose to respond to those challenges.

Exactly, do we let them define us or do we use them as opportunities for growth?

I like that, we have more agency than we realize.

Absolutely, and there's actually some research that suggests that a moderate amount of stress and adversity can be good for us.

Wait, really?

A little bit of struggle is good for us.

It seems that way.

How so?

Well, it seems that navigating those ups and downs, learning to cope with setbacks,

and developing resilience are all part of what helps us mature and evolve.

So it's like that saying, smooth seas don't make skilled sailors.

Exactly.

But how much adversity is the right amount?

Well, that's the tricky part.

Too much stress can be overwhelming.

For sure.

But too little might leave us unprepared for the challenges of life.

So it's all about finding that balance between comfort and challenge.

Exactly, and that balance might look different for each person depending on their personality and experiences.

Makes sense, so it's about knowing yourself and what you can handle and pushing yourself just enough to grow without breaking.

Exactly.

Wow, it's fascinating how all these pieces fit together.

Yeah.

Our biology, our environment, our choices, and even the unexpected twists and turns of life.

It's a complex tapestry, for sure.

It really is.

And it's constantly being woven and rewoven.

That's a great way to put it.

And we're not just passive bystanders.

Right.

We're active participants in the creation of our own personalities.

Absolutely, and it reminds us that personality, while rooted in some stable factors, is ultimately a dynamic and ever -evolving process.

So we've talked about the why and the how of personality change.

We have.

But before we wrap up this part of our deep dive, I'm curious, are there any overarching principles that guide this whole process?

You mean like cheat codes for understanding human nature?

Exactly, are there any?

As a matter of fact, there are.

Okay, I'm all ears.

I love a good cheat code.

Well, researchers have identified seven key principles that shed light on the interplay between continuity and change in personality.

Seven.

Okay, you're gonna have to walk me through these.

Well, we've already talked about the first two.

Right, cumulative continuity and the maturity principle.

Exactly.

So we're becoming more consistent as we age.

Right.

And we're hopefully developing those essential adulting traits.

Yep.

What else is there?

Well, the plasticity personal reminds us that change is possible throughout life.

Okay, but it probably takes some effort, right?

It can, but it's good to know there's always hope.

I like that.

So what's next?

Well, the role continuity principle suggests that the roles we choose to play can influence our personality development over time.

Roles, like what?

Like being the jock or the artist or the leader.

Oh, so the choices we make about how we present ourselves to the world can actually shape who we become.

Precisely.

Wow, okay, what else?

Then that's the identity development principle.

Identity development.

Yeah, it basically highlights how important our self -perception is.

Okay.

As we develop a sense of who we are, we tend to act in ways that are consistent with that self view.

So our beliefs about ourselves become self -fulfilling prophecies.

In a way, yes.

And this connects to the social investment principle.

Okay.

Which says that as we take on different social roles.

Like becoming a parent or a partner or a boss.

Exactly, those roles shape our experiences and ultimately our personalities.

So it's like we're constantly adapting to the demands of our social environment.

Right, and those adaptations become part of who we are.

Okay, and the last one.

This one's called the Corresponsive Principle.

Corresponsive Principle, what's that?

It suggests that life experiences tend to magnify the personality traits we already have.

So if I'm already inclined towards introversion, life will just keep throwing me situations that make me even more introverted.

It can feel that way, but it also highlights how important it is to be intentional about the experiences we seek out.

So if I wanna be more outgoing, I need to push myself to be in more social situations.

Exactly, it's about challenging those ingrained patterns and exposing ourselves to new perspectives.

Wow, so we're both the product of our experiences and the architects of those experiences.

That's a powerful realization.

But now I'm wondering, is personality change inherently good or bad?

Ooh, that's a great question.

Because change can be scary, but it can also be liberating.

You're right, and the answer, as with most things in personality, is nuanced.

It figured.

It depends on the type of change, the reasons behind it, and the overall impact on our well -being.

Well, that sounds like a perfect topic for our next installment.

So where were we?

Right, we were talking about how personality change can be good or bad.

Yeah, it really is a double -edged sword.

So when's it a good thing, and when should we be careful?

Well, let's start with the downsides, like what can go wrong.

Okay.

When someone's personality is all over the place.

Yeah.

That can be a real problem.

Like how so?

Well, for starters, it makes it hard to trust them.

Makes sense if you never know who's gonna show up.

Right, it can strain relationships and make it hard to even have a stable sense of self.

Right, like how can you build a solid relationship?

Exactly.

If you never know who you're dealing with.

And actually, this kind of extreme instability is a sign of certain personality disorders.

So in those cases, change is definitely not a good thing.

No, it's more about finding ways to manage those ups and downs.

Okay.

And can create some stability.

And even on a less extreme level, if your personality is constantly changing,

it can be hard to set and achieve long -term goals.

Exactly.

Imagine trying to build a career or a lasting relationship.

If your values and motivations are always shifting.

It's like trying to build a house on shifting sand.

Perfect analogy.

You need a solid foundation to create something that lasts.

Right.

And there's actually research showing that rapid personality changes are linked to poor mental and physical health.

So too much change too quickly.

Exactly.

Can be a bad thing.

It can.

So we've talked about the bad.

Now tell me about the good.

Okay.

Well, remember how we talked about neuroticism decreasing and conscientiousness increasing as we mature.

Yeah.

Those are generally positive shifts, wouldn't you say?

Absolutely.

Like we're becoming calmer, more responsible versions of ourselves.

Exactly.

Sign me up for that.

Right.

And those natural trends are encouraging, but we can also actively cultivate those desirable traits.

Right.

Like those small steps we talked about earlier.

Exactly.

Exercising, trying new things, practicing mindfulness.

Yeah.

Those things might seem insignificant at the time, but they can really add up.

So we're slowly sculpting a better version of ourselves one good habit at a time.

I like that analogy.

Thanks.

And the key is to make those changes gradually.

You're not gonna have a personality makeover overnight.

So it's a marathon, not a sprint.

Exactly.

And it's a journey that's unique to each person.

Okay.

There's no one size fits all formula.

Right.

We all have our own starting points.

Uh -huh.

Our own obstacles and our own goals.

Exactly.

But no matter where you are on your journey, remember you're not stuck.

That's important.

You have the power to shape your personality.

Okay.

To evolve and grow and live a more fulfilling life.

That's really empowering.

It's like taking control of your own story.

It is.

So if we wrap up this part of our deep dive.

Yeah.

What's the one thing you want listeners to remember?

If you could change one trait, what would it be?

And what small step could you take today to start moving in that direction?

Ooh, I love that.

It's a call to action.

It reminds us that we're not just passive observers of our own personalities.

Oh, right.

We have the power to choose to evolve

to become the offers of our own stories.

I like that.

It's really amazing when you think about it.

What's that?

This whole idea that we can shape our own personalities.

Even if it takes time, it's like we're both the artist and the artwork.

Yeah, I love that analogy.

Constantly evolving, refining ourselves over time.

But it also makes me wonder.

What's that?

Is there a downside to being too focused on changing?

That's a good question.

Could we lose sight of who we really are?

Yeah, that's definitely something to be mindful of.

Personality change shouldn't be about constantly criticizing yourself or trying to be perfect.

It's more about understanding your strengths and weaknesses and figuring out how to grow in ways that feel true to you.

So it's not about trying to become someone else.

Exactly.

It's about becoming the best version of yourself.

Exactly.

It's about embracing who you are at your core while also acknowledging that you have the power to change and adapt.

And sometimes that means letting go of old beliefs or behaviors that aren't working anymore.

Right, it's like shedding those old layers and revealing new parts of yourself.

I like that.

But it's not always easy, right?

No, it's not.

It's a journey, not a destination.

And there will be setbacks, plateaus, moments of doubt.

So how do we stay motivated when those challenges come up?

Well, one key is to focus on the intrinsic rewards of growth.

What do you mean?

Instead of looking for validation from others or comparing yourself to other people, find joy in the process of self -discovery.

So celebrate those small victories.

Exactly, and recognize that every step forward, no matter how small it is, it's a sign of your resilience and adaptability.

It's like proof that you're capable of change.

Right.

And remember, you're not alone in this.

What do you mean?

We're all influenced by the people around us, the communities we belong to, even the culture we live in.

So it's about creating an environment that supports our growth.

Surrounding ourselves with people who inspire us.

Yes.

To become better versions of ourselves.

Exactly.

So as we wrap up this deep dive, I wanna leave you with this.

Okay.

As you think about your own personality and the things you might wanna change or develop, remember that it's a journey, not a destination.

I love that.

Embrace the process, be patient with yourself, and celebrate the unique and ever -evolving tapestry of who you are.

That's beautiful.

And on that note, it's time to wrap up this episode of The Deep Dive.

We hope you've enjoyed exploring the world of personality with us.

And until next time, keep exploring, keep questioning, and keep embracing the incredible journey of becoming who you truly are.