Chapter 15: The Self: What You Know About You

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Hey everybody and welcome to another Deep Tive with us.

Today we're taking a look at ourselves.

Oh, that sounds fun.

Right.

We're going to be cracking open the personality puzzle.

Okay!

And really, like you said, getting deep into like, how do we understand ourselves?

Yeah, it's so interesting, you know, we all walk around with this idea of ourselves.

We have a sense of who we are, but when someone asks us, tell me about yourself, it's like, huh?

Yeah, like how you begin to unpack that.

Exactly.

And this whole book is all about, you know, exploring all these different facets of the self.

We're going to get into like all the important theories, the research, and most importantly,

what it all means for us.

Like, how do we actually apply this to our lives?

Absolutely.

Like, how do we use this information to, you know, live a better life, essentially.

Totally.

So where do we even begin with this whole self puzzle?

Well, I think a good place to start is back in the late 1800s with William James.

Oh, yeah.

He was one of the pioneers of psychology and he came up with this distinction between the I and the me.

Okay, the I and the me.

Yes, and the me is kind of like all the stuff about ourselves that's easy to describe.

Okay.

Like our traits, our roles, our beliefs, it's like our personal inventory.

So like if I said, I'm a podcaster who enjoys long walks on the beach, that would be my me.

Exactly.

You're describing like the observable parts of yourself, the things you know about yourself.

Okay.

But then there's this other part, the I, which is much trickier to define.

It's like the observer, the part of you that's aware of the me.

It's like trying to look directly at your own eyes, you know?

Exactly.

It's always just out of reach.

Yeah, you can't quite grasp it.

Psychologists are still debating the nature of the I today.

Yeah, I bet.

But by focusing on the me, researchers have made some fascinating discoveries.

Okay, so what have they found out about this me?

Well, one of the key things they've found is that the self actually has several purposes.

Okay, I like that the me has a purpose.

Yes, it does.

So what are those purposes?

So first up, we have self -regulation.

Okay, self -regulation.

This is basically our inner control system.

It helps us resist impulses and stay focused on our goals.

So like if I'm trying to resist that urge to check my phone during this recording?

Yes.

And stay focused on our conversation, that's self -regulation in action.

Exactly.

That's self -regulation helping you delay gratification.

I like it.

Resist those temptations and stick to the plan.

Okay, self -regulation, you're doing great.

Well, thank you.

Okay, so what's the next purpose of the self?

Alright, so the next purpose is acting as an information processing filter.

Okay, a filter.

Yeah, so basically our self shapes what we pay attention to, and even how we interpret the world around us.

So it's like we're seeing the world through this lens of our own self.

Exactly.

It's like having a personalized filter on our perception.

That's interesting.

And this filter isn't always perfectly objective, you know?

Sometimes it can distort information to maintain a positive self -image.

So it's like our self is protecting us in a way.

Yeah, you could say that it can actually be helpful in boosting our confidence and resilience.

Okay, so our self -image can actually impact how we see the world.

Okay, what about the third purpose?

The third purpose is relating to others.

This is all about empathy and compassion.

We understand those emotions because we can put ourselves in someone else's shoes.

We use our own experiences as a reference point.

So like our me helps us connect with other people and understand their perspective.

Exactly.

Our own experiences and self -knowledge provide the foundation for building those meaningful relationships and navigating that social world.

That makes sense.

All right, and the final purpose.

All right, so the fourth and final purpose of the self is identity.

Okay, identity.

This is all about knowing where we fit in the grand scheme of things.

Our sense of self helps us define our roles within our family, our community, the larger society.

So it's like having a sense of belonging a place in the world.

Precisely.

It gives us a sense of continuity, a sense of purpose.

It's like our story connecting us to the past guiding us towards the future.

Okay, so we have these four purposes.

Self -regulation, information processing,

relating to others, and identity.

Yes.

But how does this all actually play out in our lives?

What are the mechanisms at work here?

Well, to understand that we need to delve into two different types of self -knowledge.

Okay, hit me with it.

We have declarative self -knowledge and procedural self -knowledge.

Declarative and procedural.

Yeah, so declarative self -knowledge is the stuff we can easily put into words.

Like I'm an extrovert or I love learning new things.

Right, so it's like those explicit facts and beliefs that we have about ourselves.

Yeah, the things we can just declare to others.

Okay, and what about procedural?

Procedural self -knowledge is more about actions, habits, and skills.

It's the knowing how rather than the knowing that.

Okay, so like riding a bike, I can't really explain how I do it.

I just do more like muscle memory.

Yes, exactly, ingrained patterns of behavior.

Okay, so this procedural self sounds like it plays a big role in how we interact with the world.

It does, and often it's operating below the level of our conscious awareness.

Fascinating.

It is.

So we've got this declarative self, all the facts and beliefs,

and then the procedural self, all about our actions and habits.

Yeah.

So let's unpack this declarative self a little bit further.

Okay, sounds good.

Where do we start?

Well, one of the most central aspects of the declarative self is self -esteem.

Okay, self -esteem.

This is our overall evaluation of our worth.

Right, and we all know that low self -esteem can be a real drag.

It can be.

Leads to, you know, feeling down, lacking motivation, withdrawing from social situations.

Yeah, but here's the thing.

High self -esteem isn't always a good thing either.

Oh, really?

How so?

Well, think about someone who's arrogant.

Narcissistic or has a distorted view of their abilities.

Right, they might think really highly of themselves.

Exactly.

They might have very high self -esteem, but it's not based on a realistic assessment.

So it's like a car's fuel gauge that's stuck on full, even when the thing's empty.

That's a great analogy.

To really understand this, we can look at sociometer theory.

Okay, sociometer theory.

Yeah, this theory suggests that self -esteem acts like a social fuel gauge.

Okay, I'm intrigued.

How does that work?

So imagine your self -esteem as this gauge that monitors your level of social acceptance and belonging.

So if the gauge is low, it signals that you might be at risk of social rejection or isolation.

Like a warning sign.

Exactly, and it motivates you to strengthen your social connections.

Okay, so it's like prompting us to take action to improve our social standard.

Yes, exactly.

I like that.

And then on the other hand, when the gauge is high, it signals that you're doing well socially.

Okay.

You're accepted, you're valued by others.

This promotes a sense of well -being and confidence.

Okay, so it's not just about feeling good about ourselves.

It's also about our place in the social world.

Exactly, it's all connected.

That's really fascinating.

So how does this self -esteem develop in the first place?

Well, it's a complex process with a lot of different influences.

It's shaped by our early childhood experiences, relationships,

genetics, cultural messages.

So nature and nerder both play a role.

Absolutely, it's this dynamic interplay between our innate predispositions and the environments that we're exposed to.

So we talk about self -esteem, that overall evaluation.

Yes.

What other elements make up this declarative self?

Well, another key element is the self -schema.

Okay, self -schema.

Think of this as a mental framework that organizes all of our self -knowledge.

Okay.

It's like this vast network of interconnected concepts and beliefs about who you are.

So self -esteem is like the temperature reading the self -schema.

It's like the detailed weather map.

I like that.

With all the highs and lows.

Yeah, that's a great way to visualize it.

Okay, so the self -schema includes everything from our personality traits and abilities to our values, goals, memories.

Yes, and it's constantly evolving as you gain new experiences and learn more about yourself.

That's a lot to keep track of.

It is.

How do researchers even study something as complex as the self -schema?

Well, they've come up with some clever methods.

Okay.

One approach is to use reaction time studies.

Okay.

Essentially, they'll present people with information related to different aspects of the self and measure how quickly they respond.

So if I'm shown a word like creative and I respond really quickly,

it might suggest that that's a strong part of my self -schema.

Exactly.

People tend to respond faster to information that's consistent with their self -image.

Makes sense.

Because it activates those pre -existing networks in their self -schema.

It's like our brains have a mental shortcut for information that's relevant to us.

Yeah, that's a good way to think about it.

So what happens to this self -schema when our memories change like with amnesia?

That's where things get really interesting.

There's this fascinating case study of a college student who, after a head injury, lost a year's worth of memories.

Wow, that's a lot.

It is, and it was incredibly disorienting for her.

I can imagine.

But here's the remarkable part.

Okay.

Even without those specific memories, she could still accurately describe her personality.

Wow.

And the ways she had changed during that year.

So some core aspects of her self -schema remained intact even without the memories.

Exactly.

It suggests that our sense of self can be incredibly resilient and maybe even stored separately from our episodic memories.

That's mind -blowing.

It really makes you wonder how much of our self -concept is influenced by experiences we might not even remember.

That's a good question.

Okay, so we've talked about self -esteem and the self -schema as key parts of this declarative self.

What else is going on in this mental landscape?

Well, there's this fascinating phenomenon called the self -reference effect.

Okay, self -reference effect.

And this actually has some really practical implications for you, the listener.

Ooh, I'm listening.

Okay, so the self -reference effect is the finding that we remember information better when we can relate it to ourselves.

Okay, so if I'm trying to learn something new, like say about personality theories,

it would be helpful for me to try to connect those theories back to my own personality.

Exactly.

By making that personal connection, you're activating your self -schema and making that information more meaningful and memorable.

So I'm basically turning abstract concepts into my own personal stories.

Yeah, that's a great way to think about it.

Okay, I like that.

It's like creating mental hooks.

Yeah.

To hang those ideas on.

Okay, so speaking of personal stories,

another key aspect of the declarative self is self -efficacy.

Self -efficacy.

This is all about our belief in our own capabilities.

Yes, it's like our, I can do it muscle.

And the stronger this muscle is, the more likely we are to set challenging goals, persevere in the face of setbacks, and ultimately achieve success.

So if I have high self -efficacy, I'm more likely to go after those difficult tasks and bounce back from failures.

Exactly.

But here's the thing, limiting beliefs about ourselves can hold us back.

Oh, yeah.

Regardless of our actual abilities.

If we don't believe we can do something, we're less likely to even try, and then that creates a self -fulfilling prophecy.

So our beliefs about ourselves can actually shape our reality.

Absolutely, and this applies to everything.

Career choices, relationships, physical health, even powerful stuff.

It is.

So how can we cultivate this self -efficacy?

Well, it's not just about positive thinking or affirmations.

It's about having genuine experiences of success, even if they're small at first.

It's about setting realistic goals, breaking down those larger tasks into smaller steps, celebrating our achievements along the way.

So it's about building that I can do it muscle through practice and positive reinforcement.

Exactly, and this is where things like mentorship coaching, even therapy can be really helpful.

Having someone believe in you provide that support can make a huge difference.

Okay, so we've covered self -esteem, the self -reference effect, self -efficacy.

All these things are about our present understanding of ourselves.

But what about the future?

Does our sense of self extend into how we imagine our future selves?

That's a great question, and the answer is yes.

The book talks about this concept called possible self.

Possible selves.

And these are essentially images of who we could become in the future.

So we're not just limited to who we are now, but also who we aspire to be.

Exactly.

These possible selves can be incredibly motivating.

They can act as goals or aspirations that guide our choices and actions in the present.

So if I envision myself as a successful entrepreneur, let's say, that vision could actually motivate me to put in the work today.

Exactly.

It's like having a mental compass that points you towards that desired future.

I like it.

And these possible selves can be both positive and negative.

So we can envision ourselves achieving great things, but we can also imagine negative outcomes.

That's right.

We might have fears about failing, disappointing others, and not living up to our potential.

And these negative possible selves can sometimes be motivating as well.

Oh, how so?

Well, they might prompt us to avoid certain paths or make changes to prevent those outcomes from happening.

So it's like the carrot and the stick.

Positive possible selves are pulling us towards our goals.

Negative ones pushing us away from what we fear.

Exactly.

A great analogy.

OK, so these possible selves, they're not just individual fantasies.

No.

They're also shaped by our culture and social environment.

Absolutely.

Societal expectations and norms can really influence who we imagine ourselves becoming.

Right.

So like gender roles, for example.

Exactly.

A young girl growing up in a culture that emphasizes those domesticity might envision herself as a homemaker.

Yeah.

Whereas a girl growing up in a culture that promotes female leadership, might see herself as a CEO someday.

That's right.

Our possible selves reflect the possibilities that we see around us.

OK.

So how do these possible selves actually fit into the larger picture of our self concept?

Well, one way to understand this is through self -discrepancy theory.

OK, self -discrepancy theory.

This theory focuses on the ideal self and the ought self.

OK, break those down for me.

All right.

So the ideal self represents who we want to be.

OK.

You know, it's our hopes, dreams, aspirations.

It's like the best version of ourselves that we strive for.

So our personal hero, the person we admire and want to be like.

Exactly.

And then there's the ought self.

The ought self.

This represents who we think we should be.

OK.

Based on our sense of duty, obligations, societal expectations.

So the ought self is more about meeting those external standards.

Yeah.

And fulfilling those responsibilities.

Exactly.

And the interesting thing is that discrepancies between our actual self and these ideal or ought selves can trigger different emotional responses.

OK, so if I'm not living up to my own ideals, I might feel disappointed in myself.

Exactly.

That gap between who you are and who you want to be can lead to feelings of sadness, dejection, even depression.

OK.

And what about the ought self?

What happens when we don't measure up to those standards?

When we don't live up to our ought self, we tend to experience anxiety, guilt, or shame.

Oh, so it's like a nagging voice in our head telling us we're not doing enough.

Exactly.

It's that feeling of letting others down or not meeting those obligations.

So it's not just about feeling bad about ourselves.

It's also about feeling anxious.

About the consequences of not meeting those expectations.

Precisely.

And understanding these different types of self discrepancies can be so helpful in understanding our emotional patterns and our motivations.

So if I'm constantly feeling anxious, it might be worth exploring whether I'm holding myself to those unrealistic standards.

Or trying to live up to expectations that aren't truly my own.

Exactly.

It highlights the importance of self -reflecting in and being mindful of those messages we've internalized from our culture and our upbringing.

This has been an incredible journey so far.

It has.

We've explored self -esteem, the self -reference effects, self -efficacy, possible selves, self -discrepancy theory.

It's amazing how much is going on in this realm of the declarative self.

It is.

And there's more.

Oh, there's more.

Yes.

We haven't even touched on the procedural self yet.

Oh, right.

The other half.

Exactly.

The part of the self that operates largely beneath the surface of our conscious awareness.

OK.

I'm already hooked.

So we'll dive into that hidden world of the procedural self and the next part of our deep dive.

We will.

Stay tuned, everybody.

All right.

So welcome back, everyone.

We're going to be diving into this fascinating world of the procedural self.

Ooh, the procedural self sounds kind of mysterious.

It is.

It's like that behind -the -scenes part of us that's always running, even when we're not consciously aware of it.

OK.

So remind us again, what exactly is the procedural self?

Remember, it's all about how we behave our habits, our skills, those things we just do without really thinking about them.

OK.

So it's like when you're driving and you suddenly realize you don't remember the last few miles.

Exactly.

You were on autopilot.

Yes.

Your procedural self was in the driver's seat.

I see.

So it's not something we can just access through introspection.

Right.

You can't just sit down and think your way to changing a deeply ingrained habit or behavior.

OK.

So it's not as simple as saying, I'm going to be more organized, or I'm going to stop procrastinating.

No.

It takes more than just willpower.

So how do we actually change those deeply ingrained habits then?

Well, think about it like learning to ride a bike.

OK.

You didn't just read a manual and suddenly know how to do it.

Right.

You had to get on the bike, wobble around, fall a few times, and gradually develop that muscle memory.

Yeah, that's true.

So it's the same principle with changing habits or learning new skills.

OK.

So it's more about learning by doing rather than just thinking about it.

Exactly.

Practice, repetition, and feedback are key.

So if I want to break a bad habit, I need to actually practice those new behaviors.

Yes.

Consistently until they become more automatic.

So it's about consciously rewiring those unkind of patterns.

Exactly.

And just like having a coach can help you learn a new skill faster.

Yeah.

Seeking guidance from a therapist or a mentor can be really helpful in changing those ingrained patterns.

So it's like they provide that extra support and accountability.

Exactly.

They can also help you develop more effective strategies.

OK.

So it's not about beating ourselves up for having these habits.

No, not at all.

But rather approaching them with curiosity and a willingness to try new things.

That's a great mindset.

OK.

So we've been talking about the procedural self in terms of habits and skills.

Yes.

But earlier, we talked about how one of the key functions of the self is relating to others.

Uh -huh.

So how does the procedural self play into that?

Well, that's where things get really fascinating.

One aspect of the procedural self is called relational self.

Relational self, OK.

And these are basically the unique ways that we interact with different people in our lives.

So it's like having a different script for each relationship.

Exactly.

How about how you act around your best friend versus how you act around your parents.

Yeah, very different.

The way you communicate,

express emotions, navigate conflict.

Totally.

It's likely different in each of those relationships.

Yeah, different sides of me come out depending on who I'm with.

Exactly.

So how do you think these relational selves develop?

Well, I guess they must be shaped by our early experience.

Yeah, they're often shaped early in life based on our experiences with our caregivers and significant others.

OK.

We learn certain patterns of interacting certain ways of getting our needs met.

Uh -huh.

And these patterns can become deeply ingrained in our procedural self.

Wow.

So even though we're not consciously aware of it, our past relationships can actually influence how we relate to people in the present.

Exactly.

And this can be both helpful and challenging.

Oh, how so?

Well, for example, if you had a really secure and supportive relationship with your parents, you might find it easier to form trusting and intimate relationships as an adult.

Right.

So those positive early experiences can provide a good foundation.

They can.

But what if those early experiences weren't so positive?

That's where things can get tricky.

If you experience neglect, inconsistency, or even abuse in your early relationships,

you might develop what we call insecure attachment patterns.

Insecure attachment patterns.

And those can create challenges in your adult relationships.

So it's like those early experiences create a template that we unconsciously follow in later relationships.

Exactly.

And you might not even be aware of these patterns until you start noticing recurring conflicts or difficulties in your relationships.

So becoming aware of these relational selves Yes.

can be a key step in understanding and maybe even changing those patterns.

Exactly.

It's about bringing those unconscious patterns into conscious awareness.

You can start making more deliberate choices about how you want to relate to others.

Wow.

OK.

So we've talked about the procedural self in terms of habits, skills, relational patterns.

Yeah.

But what about those aspects at ourselves that we're not even aware of?

That brings us to the fascinating realm of implicit selves.

Implicit selves.

These are aspects of ourselves that operate below the radar of conscious awareness.

But they still impact our feelings, our thoughts, and our behaviors.

So it's like there's this whole other layer of the self running in the background, influencing us in ways we don't even realize.

Exactly.

And one way that researchers study these implicit selves is through the implicit association test, or IAT.

Well, the IAT, I've heard of this.

Isn't that the test that measures like hidden biases?

That's right.

The IAT is a reaction time test that measures the strength of associations in our minds.

It can reveal unconscious biases and preferences that we might not even be aware of or that we might not want to admit to ourselves.

Right.

So how does it actually work?

OK.

Imagine you're playing this computer game

where you have to quickly sort words and images into different categories.

So for example, you might have to categorize words as either good or bad, and images as either flowers or insects.

Got it.

Now, some pairings are going to be really easy and quick because the associations are strong in our minds.

Like flowers and good.

Exactly.

But other pairings will require more effort because the associations are weaker or maybe conflicting.

So if I'm slower to categorize insects as good, it might suggest that I have a negative implicit association with insects.

Exactly.

And the IAT has been used to study all sorts of implicit associations.

OK.

Racial biases, gender stereotypes, attitudes towards different political groups.

Wow.

So it can really reveal a lot about our unconscious beliefs.

It can.

So what does this all mean for us in our daily lives?

How do we deal with these implicit biases?

That's the million dollar question.

Becoming aware of these biases is a good first step.

OK.

We can take implicit bias tests online, reflect on our own behaviors and reactions, pay attention to the language we use.

So it's about developing a sense of self -awareness and challenging those automatic assumptions.

Exactly.

And remember, everyone has implicit biases.

OK.

It's part of being human.

Uh -huh.

The key is to acknowledge them, understand how they might influence us.

And strive to act in ways that align with our values, even when those biases might be pulling us in a different direction.

OK.

So we've explored these really interesting realms of the decidual self.

We have.

Habit, skills, relational selves, implicit self.

Lots of selves.

Amazing how much is happening beneath the surface.

Isn't it?

But this brings up a big question.

OK.

If we have all these different selves operating at these different levels, do we really have one unified self at all?

Oh, that's the question, isn't it?

Or are we just a collection of these fragmented parts?

That is a question that has puzzled philosophers and psychologists for centuries.

That.

And the personality puzzle explores this by looking at the concept of the working self concept.

OK.

Working self concept.

The idea is that different situations activate different aspects of ourselves.

So it's like we have a cast of characters inside our heads.

Uh -huh.

And the lead role changes depending on the scene.

I like that analogy.

Think about how you act differently at a party with your friends.

Uh -huh.

Versus how you act in a meeting at work.

Oh, yeah.

Total night and day.

Exactly.

And that's perfectly normal.

We adapt to different social contexts by bringing different aspects of ourselves to the forefront.

OK.

It's a sign of flexibility and social intelligence.

So it's not a bad thing to have different sides of ourselves.

Not at all.

In fact, having a diverse repertoire of self aspects can be a real strength.

OK.

It allows us to navigate this complex world.

Yeah, that makes sense.

But is there a downside to having too many different selves?

That's a good question.

And yes, there can be if those different self aspects become too extreme or disconnected.

OK.

So it's about finding that balance between flexibility and consistency.

Exactly.

Research suggests that having a relatively consistent self view across different situations is linked to greater psychological well -being and stability.

So it's important to have that core sense of self.

Yeah.

That sense of continuity that runs through all those different roles and situations.

Exactly.

It's about feeling like you're still you.

Right.

No matter what hat you're wearing.

I see.

And this brings us back to William James and that distinction between the I and the me.

It does.

OK.

I'm ready for round two with those concepts now that we've explored all these different dimensions.

All right.

So remember, the me is all that stuff we can describe about ourselves.

OK.

Our traits, our roles, our beliefs, the content of our self concept.

Right.

But the I is the observer.

Yes.

The experiencer, the part that stays constant.

Exactly.

And it's all those changes in our me.

It's like the I is the thread that connects all those beads of the me.

That's a beautiful way to put it.

And as we've seen, this I can be incredibly resilient.

Yes.

Enduring.

Even when we face memory loss or big life changes.

Absolutely.

The book mentions that anecdote about the author's grandmother who, despite all the changes that came with aging,

still felt like the same person inside.

That's right.

It speaks to that deep sense of continuity.

Yeah.

That feeling of being the same person over time, even as our bodies and our circumstances change.

It's powerful.

It's a reminder that there's more to the self than just our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors.

This has been such a thought provoking exploration.

It has been.

We've covered so much ground from the conscious to the unconscious.

Yeah.

From self -esteem to self -efficacy, from relational selves to implicit selves.

We from all over the place.

But it feels like we're just scratching the surface of this puzzle.

There's always more to discover.

Yeah.

That's what makes it so fascinating.

It does.

But before we get too lost in the mysteries of the self, I want to bring it back to you, the listener.

Yeah.

What does all of this mean for you listening right now?

Exactly what stands out to you from our conversation so far, what resonates with your own experience.

We've given you a lot of information.

We have.

But what we really want is for you to take these concepts and apply them to your own life.

Yes.

Think about your own self -esteem, your self -efficacy, your relational patterns, your implicit biases.

What insights have emerged for you?

And remember, understanding the self is a lifelong journey.

It is.

And this deep dive has hopefully given you some valuable tools and perspectives to continue that exploration.

We'll be back soon with the final part of our deep dive into the self.

Until then, keep those minds curious.

All right.

So we're back for the final part of our deep dive into the personality puzzle.

Wow.

It's gone by fast.

It really has.

We've covered so much ground exploring all those intricate workings of the self.

From the conscious me to all those unconscious patterns.

Right.

How do all those things fit together?

It's fascinating.

It really is.

And we've been talked about how self -knowledge really influences everything from our memories and motivations to our relationships and even our well -being.

Yeah.

It's all connected.

It is.

But there's one question that just keeps swirling in my mind after all this.

OK, what's that?

Do we really have one unified self or many different selves?

Ah, the age -old question.

Right.

After all this talk about different aspects of the self, I'm like, wait, who am I really?

It's a question that's puzzled philosophers and psychologists for centuries.

And honestly, there's no easy answer.

But the book does offer some really interesting perspectives.

Remember that concept of the working self concept.

Oh, yeah.

Different situations call upon different parts of ourselves.

Exactly.

Different actors taking the stage depending on the scene.

Right.

So we shift and adapt to different contexts.

We do.

Bringing forth the parts of ourselves that are most relevant.

Yeah.

Think about how you might act differently around your boss versus your closest friends.

Oh, totally different sides of me for sure.

Exactly.

And that's a good thing.

It's a sign of flexibility and social intelligence.

So it's not a bad thing to have different sides to ourselves.

Not at all.

In fact, having a diverse repertoire of self aspects can be a real strength.

OK, good to know.

It helps us navigate a complex world.

But I guess there's got to be a balance, right?

Like, is there a risk of becoming too fragmented?

Yeah, that's a valid concern.

And researchers have actually looked into that.

OK.

While having a flexible sense of self is generally seen as positive, there is some research that suggests excessive self concept differentiation.

Meaning?

Like seeing yourself as drastically different in all sorts of contexts that can actually be linked to some challenges with mental well -being.

That makes sense.

Especially in cultures that really emphasize individuality.

So it's about finding that sweet spot, right?

Embracing our many sides, but still having that core sense of who we are.

Exactly.

It's recognizing that we're complex beings with lots of facets, but there's still that core you running through it all.

Yeah.

And that brings us back to William James in The Eye Versus Me.

It does.

All right, let's revisit that one more time.

So the me is all the stuff we can describe about ourselves.

OK.

Our traits, our roles, our beliefs.

It's the content of our self concept.

OK, but the eye is the observer.

Yes, the experiencer, that part that remains constant.

Even when all those parts of the me are changing.

Exactly.

It's like the eye is the thread connecting all those beads of the me.

I love that.

And we've seen how resilient the eye can be.

Right.

It endures through memory loss, life changes, all that stuff.

The book talks about that really touching story of the author's grandmother.

Oh, yeah.

She still felt like the same person inside, even as she aged.

Exactly.

It's a beautiful testament to that enduring nature of the eye.

Yeah.

It's a reminder that there's more to us than just the sum of our parts.

So much more.

Yeah.

This deep dive has really given me a whole new perspective on what it means to be me.

Me too.

And it's empowering to realize that we actually have more agency than we think.

We do.

In shaping our own self concepts in our lives.

It's an ongoing process.

Yeah, it's a journey.

It is a journey of exploration that can lead to greater self -acceptance, compassion, and personal growth.

Absolutely.

So as we wrap up this deep dive, I encourage everyone listening to keep going on this journey of self -discovery.

Yes.

Keep reflecting.

Keep asking those big questions.

Apply what we've talked about to your own life.

And never stop learning.

Because the self is a mystery worth unraveling.

It is a puzzle worth solving.

And who better to solve it than you?

Exactly.

Thanks for joining us on this deep dive into the fascinating world of the self.

Yes.

Thank you.

We'll be back soon with another exploration into the mysteries of human nature.

But until then, keep those minds curious and those hearts open.