Chapter 26: Memories Are Made of This

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Ever just get hit with this like wave of frustration when you see something totally unfair going down.

Oh yeah, definitely.

Even if it's, you know, not even happening to you directly.

Right.

Or like, you know that feeling where you want to speak up to like someone in cards, but you just, you just can't, like your mouth won't work.

Oh yeah, yeah.

You're just stuck there.

Totally.

And maybe you even feel a little sick to your stomach.

Yeah.

Have you been there?

I know I have.

Oh, for sure.

It's like, you know, that feeling, that surge of emotion or that like a total inability to act.

Right.

It's a pretty basic human thing.

And that's, that's kind of what we're going to dive into today.

Yeah, let's do it.

Looking at some, some material that digs into why these reactions, why they happen, especially for folks with ADD.

Okay.

So ADD is like front and center in this deep dive.

Yeah, absolutely.

And our source material has some like really powerful personal stories.

Oh yeah.

Like there's Elsa.

Okay.

She completely lost it on a bus.

Oh no, what happened?

There are these teenagers and they were like picking on this overweight guy and she just she started yelling at them.

Totally out of control.

And then of course, like totally embarrassed afterwards and then there's David.

Okay.

He saw some police officers being really rough with this older woman.

Oh jeez.

And he wanted to like step in, you know, shout at them to stop.

Right.

But he just froze.

Oh.

And later he just felt like such a coward.

Yeah, I can see that.

It's like when you look at what happened to both Elsa and David, the source makes this point about like this painful hyperconsciousness of injustice that they both felt coupled with this like total inability to respond in the moment.

So it's more than just feeling bad for someone.

Yeah, exactly.

It's way more visceral like this really deep sense of being personally affected.

The source even uses the word sickened.

Oh wow.

Like that churning stomach, that dizzy feeling and it's something a lot of adults with ADD talk about feeling in these situations.

Which is interesting, right?

Because you hear people say, you know, especially online, that people with ADD are like super sensitive.

Right.

Like they have this heightened empathy.

Yeah.

And maybe there's some truth to that.

Like maybe they are more aware of other people's feelings.

But what Elsa and David went through, it feels like, I don't know, almost too much.

Yeah, totally.

You know, even paralyzing.

And that's where the source, it makes this really important distinction.

Okay.

It goes beyond simple empathy,

something they call identification.

Identification.

Okay, interesting.

So with empathy, you can understand and even share someone else's feelings.

But you still have that sense of separateness.

Like you're still you.

Right, right.

You can still think about how to respond to do something.

Okay.

But with identification, that line gets blurred.

Oh, okay.

It's like you react as if you're the one being hurt.

You feel their humiliation, their anger, their shame as your own.

So it's not just feeling for someone.

It's feeling as them.

Yeah, exactly.

And the source is saying that this identification thing, while it comes from a strong sense of right and wrong,

it can actually make it harder to do anything helpful.

Yeah, absolutely.

Like instead of helping,

you're stuck in this emotional whirlwind.

Got it.

So identification, not always a good thing.

Right.

And the source directly connects this intense identification to memory.

Okay.

Saying that the person is like gripped by the past when this happens.

Gripped by the past.

Yeah.

Like it's not just what's happening right now.

It's something much older being woken up.

Oh, okay.

I'm intrigued.

So to really understand this, we need to look at like how memory works.

Exactly.

Which brings us to this quote from Judith Lewis Herman that the source highlights.

It says, to some degree, everyone is a prisoner of the past.

Oh, that's a good one.

Right.

Yeah.

So how does this feeling of being a prisoner of the past tie into these like really strong emotional responses?

Well, the source introduces this concept of implicit memory, drawing on the work of memory researchers like Daniel Schachter.

And implicit memory is when past experiences influence us without us consciously realizing we're remembering.

So it's not like, you know, actively trying to remember a specific event.

No, no, it's way more subtle.

Okay.

Like, you know, unconscious emotions, sudden mood swings, even those physical sensations we were talking about.

Oh, right.

The churning stomach.

Exactly.

All that can be triggered by implicit memory.

So it's like our bodies and emotions remember stuff, even when our minds don't.

Exactly.

Like there's no little file labeled, you know, that time I felt helpless.

Right, right.

The force makes it clear that memory is way more complex than just a video camera replaying everything perfectly.

Okay, I get it.

Memory is messy.

Super messy.

Yeah.

And this neuroscientist, Joseph Ledoux, he's done amazing work on the brain.

Yeah.

He points out that we actually have different memory systems.

Different systems, like more than one.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Multiple systems with different jobs.

Okay.

So like the one we usually think of where we can actually recall facts and events.

Right.

That's called explicit memory.

Explicit memory.

Got it.

But then there's implicit memory, which is all about those unconscious emotional and physical imprints.

So we've got explicit memory, the conscious stuff, and implicit memory, the more unconscious feeling stuff.

Exactly.

And how did these memories like get stored in the first place?

The source mentions encoding.

Yeah.

So for explicit memories to stick around, they need to be encoded.

Okay.

When we experience something, there's all these different elements, sights, sounds, feelings, thoughts, and these are processed in different parts of the brain.

Okay.

Encoding happens when the connections between those brain areas get stronger.

You know that saying neurons that fire together, wire together?

Yeah.

Yeah.

It totally applies here.

Cool.

So our brains are making connections all the time.

Right.

And it's important to remember that these memory networks, they're spread out all over the ground, not just kept in one spot.

Got it.

A memory is basically the reactivation of a specific pattern of connections.

Wow.

Okay.

Our brains are so cool.

They really are.

So we've talked about explicit memory, the stuff we can consciously think about.

Right.

What about implicit memory?

How does that get encoded and how does it like affect us without us knowing?

This is where it gets really interesting.

Okay.

The source explains that implicit memory networks, they hold the traces of our earliest experiences.

Like from babyhood and early childhood?

Exactly.

And what gets encoded at that age, primarily, is the emotional content.

Not so much the specific details of what happened.

Right.

More like the overall feeling of those early interactions.

Which makes sense.

Like babies and little kids, they experience the world through their feelings.

Absolutely.

And the source gives a few reasons for this.

Okay.

First, our earliest interactions are really rooted in feeling.

Right.

Second, those brain structures that are responsible for explicit memory, those develop later on.

Uh huh.

And third,

sometimes those early emotions are so intense, they get like walled off.

Walled off.

Yeah, like repressed, even as things are happening.

Wow.

Okay.

So these emotional imprints, they get stored unconsciously.

And what's really wild is that according to the source, we don't have to be consciously aware of these implicit memories for them to get encoded.

Right.

Or be triggered later on.

Exactly.

Just a tiny cue, like a certain tone of voice or a look in someone's eyes,

can set off these powerful unconscious memories.

Wow.

And the person experiencing it, they might genuinely think they're reacting to what's happening right now.

Totally oblivious to the past roots of those feelings.

Exactly.

It's like their amygdala, that's the brain's alarm system.

It's got these direct connections to implicit memory pathways.

So our brains are raising the alarm before we even know what's going on.

Yeah, pretty much.

So it's like our past is constantly shaping how we experience the present without us even having a map of that past.

That's a great way to put it.

The source really emphasizes how influential implicit memory is, shaping our reactions, our preferences, even our personality.

Yeah, absolutely.

It's like when you hear a certain song and you suddenly feel nostalgic.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

But you can't remember exactly when or why that song is important to you.

Totally.

A memory researcher, Daniel Schachter, he suggests that while our sense of self relies on explicit memory for facts about our lives, our personalities might be more connected to these implicit memory processes.

That makes sense.

So it's not just what we remember, it's how we feel about it.

Exactly.

Which brings us back to Elsa and David.

The source specifically says their experiences on the bus and with the police, those were examples of implicit memories being activated.

Oh, OK.

Their reactions, those strong emotions and physical sensations, they mirrored the helplessness, shame and rage that they first felt much earlier in life.

Right.

So for David, growing up with an alcoholic and violent father and the abuse from his sister, those early experiences of feeling powerless and threatened, it would have created these strong implicit memories.

And for Elsa, her emotionally distant and critical mother, that probably created an environment where she felt unseen, unheard and judged all the time.

Yeah, I can see that.

And those feelings of inadequacy and abandonment, those would be encoded in her implicit memory too.

Exactly.

And because they had to shut down those intense emotions as kids to cope with their families,

those feelings weren't really accessible through conscious memory.

Right.

Like the memory of the events might be there, but the raw emotion was separated off.

Only to resurface later when something in the present hit that same emotional chord.

Wow, that's powerful.

And the source even points out that sometimes only the implicit memory of the emotion sticks around.

Really?

While the memory of what caused it is completely gone.

Wow.

But the source makes it clear that you don't have to have gone through serious trauma, like Elsa and David, for these kinds of emotionally charged implicit memories to form.

Oh, really?

Yeah.

Even in loving families, a sensitive child can have those pre -verbal or unconscious experiences of feeling alone, misunderstood or shamed.

Interesting.

So it's not just about the big traumatic events.

Right.

It's about those smaller but still significant moments that shape how we feel about ourselves and the world.

And those experiences can lead to that deep identification with people who are suffering.

Exactly.

Which kind of reframes that idea about ADD and empathy.

It's not necessarily a conscious choice to be empathetic, but more like this deep, almost automatic identification with those who are hurting.

And it's rooted in those early unconscious emotional experiences.

And the goal, as the source points out, isn't to lose that sensitivity.

It's to move from that helpless identification to a more empowered state of empathy.

Empowered empathy.

I like that.

Where you can understand and care without being overwhelmed and unable to act.

Makes sense.

And they need to have implicit memory.

It helps explain other common experiences for adults with ADD.

Oh, like what?

Particularly their trouble with authority figures.

Ah, yeah.

That's a big one.

The source describes it showing up in different ways, like fear, rebelliousness, or a combination of both.

Right.

But there's almost always this underlying rejection of authority.

This feeling that people in power are, like, unseeing, unknowing, and unfair.

Unseeing, unknowing, and unfair.

Wow, that's, like, really powerful.

Right.

And the source connects this back to the implicit memory of the adult who, as a sensitive child, could see the inconsistencies and unfairness in the adult world.

So when they encounter authority figures as adults, like employers, doctors, police officers,

they might feel this, like, disproportionate nervousness and lack of confidence.

Yeah.

More than the actual power dynamic might warrant.

Right.

It's almost like the implicit memory system is reactivating that feeling of being a little kid.

Facing these big, powerful, and sometimes unpredictable adults.

Exactly.

Like, think of a teenager who automatically says no to every suggestion, even if it's something they'd actually enjoy.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

It's that kind of knee -jerk reaction.

That phrase, like a child, it really resonates.

Yeah.

So many adults with ADD describe feeling that way around authority.

Right.

But the source also cautions that not all reactions to authority are rooted in implicit memory.

There's this concept of counter will.

Counter will, okay.

And counter will, it's often a sign of, like, a still -developing sense of self.

Okay.

It's that automatic resistance to rules and authority just because.

Just because.

Yeah, like someone with counter will, they might just want to push back against any kind of control.

Mm -hmm.

And the source makes it clear that this automatic opposition, it doesn't really help in the long run.

I could see that.

It can get in the way of personal growth and relationships.

And the author is, like, really honest here.

Oh, yeah.

They admit to always feeling this compulsive urge to expose the feet of clay of those in charge.

Yeah, yeah.

Like, that impulse to see through people's facades, it's a really human thing.

And while it's true that authority figures aren't always perfect, the source makes a good point about approaching things with an open mind.

Right, instead of automatically pushing back.

Exactly.

And then the source talks about how counter will and implicit memory, they kind of intersect when it comes to social and political attitudes.

They use the example of student radicalism during the Vietnam War.

Okay.

And they suggest that some of that rebellious energy might have come from, like, unresolved childhood anger and immature acting out.

Like echoes of implicit memory and counter will.

Exactly.

It's a complex issue.

It is.

Acknowledging the psychological roots of rebellion, but not dismissing the validity of the issues being raised.

Right.

The source makes it clear that just because the urge to side with the underdog might come from implicit memory, it doesn't mean what they're seeing is wrong.

Yeah, yeah.

That sensitivity to injustice, even if it comes from past experiences, can still lead to, like, a clear understanding of what's wrong in the world.

Absolutely.

And this sensitivity, while powerful, is also really deeply ingrained.

Okay.

The source talks about research on fear conditioning by Joseph Ledoux.

Yeah.

And how it's, like, incredibly resilient, maybe even indelible.

Indelible, wow.

Which might explain some of the challenges faced by folks with ADD.

Like what?

Like losing their mental clarity under stress or even experiencing mental paralysis.

Yeah, that makes sense.

If these emotional memories are so indelible, it must be really hard to break those ingrained reaction patterns we talked about earlier.

And that connects to the idea of examination amnesia that the source mentions.

Examination amnesia.

Okay, tell me more about that.

So students with ADD, they might study hard and know the material, but then in the pressure cooker of an exam, their mind goes blank.

Oh, I've totally been there.

Right.

And the source suggests that the fear of failure and the pressure to prove themselves, it triggers this emotional shock.

Okay.

And it overwhelms their ability to access their explicit memory.

So it's like those older, more deeply ingrained fear circuits, they take over.

Exactly.

And they sabotage recall.

And the source points out that because what's being tested isn't just knowledge, but also the ability to perform under pressure and the fear of rejection,

students with ADD can be at a real disadvantage.

Makes sense.

That implicit fear memory acquired way earlier, it dominates their intellectual memory.

It's a reminder of how much our past emotional experiences can affect our present abilities.

Absolutely.

And the source gives more examples contrasting those who might be intellectually confident in exams, but still find themselves completely tongue tied in simple social situations.

Yeah, it's like those implicit anxieties, they can pop up in unexpected places.

And there's that personal example the author shares where their voice falters and their thoughts dry up when someone looks away from them.

And the source connects this to Stanley Greenspan's work on child development.

Greenspan observed how those seemingly small gestures in infancy, they actually shape our relationships and thought processes throughout our lives.

How interesting.

So like a blank stare or silence, they can trigger deep feelings of confusion, rejection and disorganization.

Especially for sensitive individuals whose implicit memory holds those early anxieties about connection and disconnection.

Yeah, it's amazing how these tiny, almost invisible interactions can have such a huge impact.

Right.

It shows just how pervasive and often hidden the influence of implicit memories is in our daily lives.

So to wrap this all up, this deep dive into our source material has shown us that those intense emotional reactions to injustice and those struggles with authority that a lot of folks with ADD experience, they can often be traced back to these deeply ingrained implicit memories.

Right.

And it's these unconscious memories that shape how they see and react to the present, often leading to that painful identification rather than empowered empathy.

And the key takeaway here is understanding that distinction.

Right.

Recognizing that those overwhelming feelings might not just be about what's happening now, but also echoes from the past.

And the goal isn't to erase those sensitivities.

Of course not.

It's to become aware of them and to work towards that empowered empathy where we can act effectively without being consumed by the past.

Love it.

So for you, the listener,

as you think about all this,

consider those strong emotional reactions or those ingrained patterns you might have noticed in your own life.

Uh -huh.

Could some of these be echoes from your own implicit memories?

Good question.

And what might understanding this mean for how you navigate the present and how you interact with the world around you?

Something to think about.

It really makes you wonder about the hidden power of our unconscious past.

Absolutely.

Thanks for joining us for this deep dive.

It was my pleasure.

We'll catch you next time.

See ya.